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Welcome to my personal column and to  !
In this column I would like to introduce at regular intervals interesting essays by other coaches and teachers who try to describe the world from the perspective of mental strength and spirituality. 10.05.2011: Gregg Swanson: The Power of Questions for Personal Growth 20.01.2011: Gregg Swanson: The Mindset of Confidence 20.12.2010: Gregg Swanson: Mental Strength, Values and Life Purpose (Part I and II) 01.12.2010: Keith Varnum: Who do you think you are 19.11.2010: Gregg Swanson: The Power of a Coach 28.10.2010: Gregg Swanson: The Power of Listening for Personal Development (Part I - III) 10.10.2010: Gregg Swanson: Creating Awareness through Mental Strength (Part I - III) 19.09.2010: Marcia Wieder: 12 Ways to be a 21st Century Visionary, Leader and Coach 13.08.2010: Keith Varnum: Ride Your Soul Code to Abundance 22.07.2010: Gregg Swanson: Respect vs. Invalidation (Part I and II) 10.07.2010: Gregg Swanson: Responding vs. Reacting 27.05.2010: Gregg Swanson: Trust vs. Doubt (Part I and II) 27.04.2010: Jonathan Quintin: The Power of Mandalas 27.03.2010: Globe Sound and Consciousness Institute: C y m a t i c s - Light shining through water vibrated by sound - Core sound healing concepts - Binaural beat brainwave entrainment / HemiSync - Your root frequency - Harmonic structure of sound - The unified field  Mandala "Abundance" © Jonathan Quintin
The following information is used by permission from Gregg Swanson: http://www.warriormindcoach.com/
The Power of Questions for Personal Growth - Part I In this next mini-series on coaching I' m going to take about questions and how they can be used to achieve personal growth that in turn will lead to you the achievement of your personal goals and personal success. "If I had an hour to solve a problem and my life depended on the solution, I would spend the first 55 minutes determining the proper question to ask, for once I know the proper question; I could solve the problem in less than five minutes." Albert Einstein Have you ever been in a meeting and known that you need to come up with something great to contribute towards the outcome? This kind of pressure can work for some people but for most it can make a person freeze on the spot and start to focus intensely on a great question to ask to move the conversation in the direction towards that magical moment that is needed. The pressure of coming up with the ability to shift a conversation in this direction literally takes a person's thinking away from the conversation and away from what is needed in that moment. If you think back to a time when you did have the magical question, it is more likely than not that you were totally present in the moment, focused on what was being said and suddenly a magical question came to you. At that moment you ask the question and suddenly you can feel everything shifting before you, the energy, the focus, the possibilities. You reflect later on this magical moment and have no idea how the question came to you, but you know it was perfect and stopped the conversation from going around in a circle, not moving anywhere. The power of 'that magical question' is enormous. One of the reasons why questioning is so 'shifting' is because a great question has the capacity to stop the receiver of the question in their tracks, and to get them to start to think in a different way. It can open up an awareness that they hadn't realized. As humans we develop a particular way of thinking. This thinking becomes a little inner machine, our internal conversation going on in our mind. It travels around in the same way, thinking in the same way. Powerful, magical questions can stop the inner conversation from thinking in its usual way and suddenly you are thinking 'outside' the realm that you are used to. It is in the new realm that great ideas and thoughts come to you and you can experience a sense of personal growth. When a trail leads to an answer, we can uncover more truths by searching each answer to see if it presents a new set of questions. Eventually, there will come an answer which does not appear to present a new question, or which seems to answer all the previous questions. This becomes the basis of discovering the truth about an issue, ourselves and the world around us. The Socratic Method This question-and-answer methodology for discerning truth is nothing new. It is commonly referred to as the "Socratic method" and derives its name from the ancient Greek philosopher, Socrates. He would continuously pose questions to his listeners to trigger thinking. Questioning continued until the listeners provided the most logical answer to a particular problem and discovery followed. The Socratic Method of questioning led to people finding their underlying beliefs. One of the ways Socrates did this was to answer a question by turning the question into a statement and adding another question. An example of this is if someone asked the question, "Why is the world round?" The Socratic Method would be to answer this question with a statement and then a question. "So you think the world is round. Why do you think this?" This questioning technique would unlock underlying beliefs as in this case where the person believes the world to be round. It is important to recognize that looking at the beliefs held in a question can be just as important as answering the question. We tend to however answer the question - referring to our own beliefs instead. Probing questions ask us to extend our knowledge beyond factual recall, to apply what is known to what is unknown; and to elaborate on what is known. By "peeling away the layers of the onion" and getting to the heart of a matter, we are more likely to find our own "truths", to develop personal goals that align with these truths and to act on these goals to reach our personal success. Questions challenge a different part of our brain bringing about a different emotional response. Questions support us in seeing another perspective, in raising our awareness that another perspective exists and is possible thus creating an advancement in our personal growth. Open and Closed Ended Questions A closed ended question is one in which there are a limited number of acceptable answers, usually, "yes" or "no." Examples of closed-ended questions are: Did you have a good week? Did you complete your fieldwork? Do you feel good about yourself? An open-ended question is one in which there are many acceptable answers thus providing an opportunity to elaborate. Examples of open-ended questions are: Tell me about your week? What was your experience with the fieldwork? Tell me, how do you feel about yourself Open ended questions are encouraged in fields as diverse as sales, education and medical practice because they elicit the maximum possible information from the respondent. They literally open up the possibilities for answers to give the client the maximum space in which to respond. Think Time Unless we leave sufficient wait time after a person ceases speaking, then we are not listening effectively. Similarly, if we do not allow enough time between asking a question and expecting an answer, then we are not effectively questioning, and the quality of the information we get back will reflect that. In 1972, an educational researcher, Mary Budd Rowe, conducted research in high schools on the amount of wait time that teachers typically allowed after asking a question of their students. She found that most teachers average wait time was less than 1.5 seconds. What she also found was that when these periods of silence lasted at least 3 seconds, many positive things happened for the students. The number of "I don't knows" and no answer responses decreased, the length and correctness of responses increased and most dramatically of all, the scores of students in academic achievement tests increased. (Rowe 1972) Although Rowe's research focused on teachers and students, the application of the concept of "think time" is clear: if we want a thoughtful response, we must provide enough time to think! Unfortunately the teachers in Rowe's study are not alone in not providing people with sufficient time to respond to questions. As a result, many of us are conditioned into giving a quick rather than a thoughtful response to questions or risk not being listened to at all! Questioning is really an extension of listening. Questioning only occurs in response to what someone is saying. As the questioner, it will take mental strength to "wait for it...wait for it" and this waiting will be your practice on your personal growth journey. When a question is asked of you take a few seconds and sense the "real" answer. You do know the difference between a reaction and a response...don't you? About 10 seconds! OK...that's it for now...I'll pick this topic up next week. Until then....if you'd like to experience personal growth through questioning, go ahead and ask for an Introductory Consultation today. Oh yea...the e-book "Develop the Mental Strength of a Warrior" (also available in a Kindle version) has numerous questions for you that will help uncover limiting beliefs so that you can resolve them and reach your personal goals and achieve your personal success. I'd like to thank ICA International Coaching Academy, again for their support and inspiration for this topic. To Your Inner Strength, 2011 COPYRIGHT © by Gregg Swanson
The following information is used by permission from Gregg Swanson: http://www.warriormindcoach.com/
For this issue I'd like to cover: The Mindset of Confidence Confidence has been associated with many things like top human performance, being able to reach your personal goals, even having the inner strength to stand in your personal power. I'd like to discuss further and before I do I'd like to thank my coaching school, International Coaching Academy, for their assistance and inspiration for this article. Confidence does not mean having a big fat ego. Confidence doesn't mean you think more of yourself thank others. Confidence doesn't mean you are better than the next person. All of these feelings and thoughts are the result of low self esteem. Low self esteem = low levels of confidence = low personal power Throughout the media and over time we have come to think of confidence and ego as the same things. With this confusion around the notion of confidence we have learnt to believe certain things about what confidence is and the mindset associated with it. If we see it as having a big ego then it is understandable that we think someone who has a big ego might look confident. The challenge is to remove the filters and glasses that support you in seeing people in this way and put on the new refreshing optimal vision glasses. Ego is lacking confidence and mental strength. At the moment when a person begins to lack confidence, they begin to feel doubt. They step outside of themselves to seek recognition. This is also the time when their ego appears. Confidence looks like this: Open to new things; See your self as part of others; Grateful; Moving forward; Positively Energized; Acknowledging; Self loving and caring; and Strong and powerful and as Cesar Millan would say, "Calm assertive." Confidence is gained by many means. We feel confident when we achieve personal goals that are aligned with our values and beliefs. When we lack confidence we are indecisive and uncertain. We doubt ourselves. Making decisions makes us confident and develops a mental strength mindset. It is making a choice. We don't need to make decision making difficult as there is no wrong or right, there are no absolutes. We learn from everything we do. In making a decision think about what is best for you at that moment. You will gain great insights from your intuition. Use your inner strength and make the decision and move forward. Every step you take in moving forward will give great confidence and increase your personal power. Think of a young child as they take their first step. They hesitate initially, fearful of what might happen. Once they realize that nothing bad is going to happen they take another step, and then another. If you have observed this, you will know that their face starts to change from one of fear to uncertainty to intrigue to joy and then sheer excitement with lots of screams and giggles included. Adults standing by cheer them along. This boosts their confidence to take another step. Their support team is beside them, believing in them and celebrating their forward movement. They are achieving something new. There is no turning back now. They will keep practicing this skill and they continue to feel more and more confident. Their fears disappear to such an extent that parents sometimes have to grab them as they walk anywhere, over edges of balconies, etc. The sky is the limit for them. If a child never took their first step we would be concerned about them. We would think that perhaps there is something developmentally wrong with them. So why don't we apply this thinking to ourselves? Moving forward and taking that first step can be a little nerve racking at times but once we move past this fear, the feeling is sheer joy and exhilaration. Think of what you look like when you reach your full potential and expand in your personal growth. Now take the first step to achieving it. Trusting yourself is part of taking the first step. Trust your internal guidance system to take you to where you need to go, to achieve your life's purpose. Self love and Self management are a set of behaviors. Self love is the philosophy underpinning these behaviors. A confident person is comfortable in his or her own skin. They are comfortable with their values and therefore are able to live aligned to their values. They operate from a perspective of gratitude, love and personal power for the wonderful life they have been given. By loving ourselves we give others permission to love themselves. Self love is a challenge and a journey. In the "crowded room of life", our sense of self can be buffeted and rocked by the images, ideas and messages coming at us. Unfortunately many of these messages either intentionally or unintentionally tell us that we are not good enough or that we are not worthy of being loved. Countering these messages to nurture self love requires mental strength and focus. We need personal goals and to plan and manage activities that build self love in the same way that we plan and manage anything that is important in our lives. Confidence comes from self love. When we go out of ourselves for recognition then ego steps in. To remain confident we need to believe in ourselves. By practicing self management and nurturing self love, we are able to reframe our unhelpful perspectives and live within a good place. If you live from a good place, believing that all is right with the world, even with its problems - you will be able to live in peace because everything is fine the way it is. So here is the confidence equation. Confidence = Self management Self management = Self awareness + Self belief + Self love Personal Power = Confidence Reflection Self care - Those of us who have ever travelled on a plane will be familiar with the safety warning that tells us that, in the event of an emergency, we should organize our own oxygen first before assisting others with theirs. Airlines all around the world give this message. They know that many people's natural inclination will be to help others first, even if they have to go without life-giving air to do it!! They also know that unless people look after their own safety first, they will be of no use to those around them. This is a useful metaphor for many aspects of our life. Unless we take care of ourselves, by making sure we have enough "oxygen" to sustain us, we are of little use to those around us. This "oxygen" might consist of getting enough rest, maintaining a good diet, exercising, mental training and being aligned with our own values. When these things are in order, we operate in a space from which we can then comfortably give to others without becoming depleted ourselves. When management of the self goes out the window, doubt comes in the door. When our "oxygen" is low, we find it hard to maintain our re-framed perspectives and the old unhelpful perspectives start to rear their ugly heads once again. With peak human performance self management is not an option! Self management activities should be planned, be part of your personal goals and turned into regular habits. If you have a problematic limiting belief in this area then gain support from a coach or friend. Ask him or her to support you in your self care. Through self care we gain self management. Through self management we gain self leadership. Through self leadership we feel confident, and with the mindset of confidence we can reach our peak personal performance. Contemplation Describe how you feel and look when you are confident. What would be the reason for trying to prove yourself to someone? What do you think you will look like and feel when you achieve your vision? Write down the steps you need to take to feel fully confident. To be continued... If you'd like to improve your mindset, confidence and personal performance grab a copy of, "Develop the Mental Strength of a Warrior" now. It will affect the way you think and act, so that you can live up to your ultimate personal power! If you'd really like to make fast progress towards realizing your full personal power and develop the mindset of confidence, request your Introductory Consultation today! To Your Inner Strength, 2011 COPYRIGHT © by Gregg Swanson
The following information is used by permission from Gregg Swanson: http://www.warriormindcoach.com/
Mental Strength, Values and Life Purpose (Part I and II) Values and beliefs are my passion. When a person can uncover and discover their beliefs and values they will have a roadmap to where they've been, but more importantly...where they are going. By identifying beliefs and values a person can take charge of their life by changing and adjusting those values and beliefs that don't serve them in the reaching their peak personal performance, personal success and their life's purpose. I'd like to thank my coaching school, International Coaching Academy for the inspiration for this topic. Discovering Your Values Aristotle believed there were a set of core values that should manifest themselves in the behavior of all human beings. These were courage, honesty, friendliness, wittiness, rationality in judgment, mutually beneficial friendships and the pursuit of knowledge and truth. What do you value? Is it honesty, integrity, happiness, empathy, compassion, vitality, power, flexibility, openness? The list goes on. There are hundreds of values but you currently will be living your life according to about 5-8 key values. Stop for a moment and write down 5 things that you value or draw a picture of yourself in the centre of a page and fill your body with your values. If you need some assistance there is a great online assessment that can help you, it's the Value Preference Indicator Now when you have your values in front of you ask, "What does this list mean in my life?" This list is the foundation of your life. It is the core or centre of everything you do. You make decisions in your life based on this list. You may not be aware that you make decisions based on this list but you do. Look at your life, everything that you have created has been built upon these values. When you make decisions that are not based on your values then you either don't achieve the outcome of a decision or you'll feel intuitively not right. Some times you may try to ignore or suppress these feelings. You actually deny them! When we do this we are out of alignment with who we are. It is a bit like the very foundation of which we are starts to shake. We are now on rocky ground and the energy around what we do is not strong and we feel very uncertain. To live in a mentally strong and supported way we must live by our values. You cannot have a house without a foundation. If you think of your values as the core of who you are sitting deep within you, then your thoughts and beliefs are the products of these values. Your values rise up into thoughts and you then play out these thoughts through your actions. This is sometimes done consciously and sometimes subconsciously. To build a stronger foundation it is essential that you know what your foundation is built on. Know your values, dig deep within you to uncover them if they don't appear easily. Think about your actions, the life you are living, the decisions you make to get to where you are. What guiding principles do you live by that create the choices you make? These are all underpinned by your values. Values Can Change Once you have searched deep within you to uncover your values you may then make a decision as to whether these values work best for you or not or even whether they are the values you want. Sometimes we take on the values of our family or the community that we live in. If we don't own the values then again we are living out of alignment with who we want to be and every step about which values are really important. Our values will strengthen over time. It's critical to check in with your values regularly, a bit like doing an inventory. For some people it is a challenge trying to work out their values. A great way to start is to look around you and identify a role model that you admire. Write down or draw all the things you admire about them. This list is what you value; in turn it is what you want to live by. Again, the Value Preference Indicator is a great tool to help uncover your values so that you are in a potion to make informed decisions. Interesting thing about values, we will sacrifice all other values to ensure our number one value is met. This can mean that if your number one value is family you may make unsupportive and uninformed decisions to satisfy this value, i.e. don't go to the gym because you want to be with your family, turn down a promotion because you believe it will take away time from family. Then a person would complain that they are overweight or don't make enough money, never realizing that their values have come into play. Purpose Now that you have your values the next step is to work out what your purpose is. You may want to think about this in terms of the reason for your existence, your determination in life or the idea about your life. Your purpose is very vital as it gives you a clear direction for your life and to reach your peak personal performance. Imagine having to go from point A to B without any directions. You may turn left or right, go down several pathways to find they lead to no where, keep doing this for some time until eventually you find your way or you give up. You may have taken twice the amount of time to get somewhere or just never reached your destination. This creates all sorts of negative messages that we may start to believe about ourselves. Now imagine exercising your mental strength and knowing exactly the direction you are heading in, you may at times feel a little unsure about if this is the right pathway but you check in with your purpose and wham - you are back on track again. Your focus is crystal clear and you get to your destination faster than you thought and you feel fantastic. Who wouldn't want this? You might want to begin by asking yourself what your purpose is in life and answering this question. Or you might change the language to most reflect this concept for you. You also might create a mind map to understand your purpose beginning in the middle with the words, "my reason for living is.............?. Try and create your purpose into two words if possible, a verb and a noun. Some examples of a purpose might be; inspiring beauty, supporting women, challenging thoughts, creating value, valuing time, living passionately, building frameworks and so on. Once you have your purpose you will know as it will feel just right. Tell some trusted friends and colleagues your purpose and see what their response is. Again once you get this clarity of purpose everyone including yourself will see how perfectly it fits. So now you have your purpose. To achieve your purpose you need to write down some goals. If your purpose is inspiring beauty then your goals will reflect this. You might have goals like design a range of products to inspire beauty. Your purpose is like the heart of who you are and the passion in your life. You might write a book or a selection of poetry. You can see that having a purpose around inspiring beauty can mean so much but you will know what it means to you. It will be created by the strengths that are unique to you. Now that you have your goals the next step is to list a range of actions that you need to take to create the steps. These actions need to be very measurable as in specific. An example could be, draw up three designs by a particular date. The more specific then the easier they will be to achieve. You will have long and short term goals. I'll be discussing more applications of mental strength, values and life purpose for personal success and peak personal performance in part II. My e-book, "Develop the Mental Strength of a Warrior" can assist you tremendously in discovering values and your life purpose. If you'd like to explore this further request your Introductory Consultation. Mental Strength, Values and Life Purpose - Part II In Mental Strength, Values and Life Purpose - Part 1, I started a discussion about how values, beliefs play a critical role in your life purpose. I continue with this discussion in part II. Rules for Living Strong Determining your life purpose is one thing. Making it happen is another. Most people who have achieved great success in their lives will tell you that their personal success was not a result of a few major choices; it was the result of a huge amount of small choices made every single day. If you look at an elite athlete, for example, their choice to join a league or swap teams, or to take up a scholarship, while important, will not figure in their success nearly as much as the choice to get out of bed and run around a cold running track, or do lap after lap in a swimming pool, day in, day out, year after year. There are small choices that you can make every day that will take you closer to your dreams, or choices that you can make that will lead you further away. That's why your purpose is so important. It is the reason for living and must be used to determine which small choices to make. Making challenging choices every day requires a few ground rules to be put in place. These ground rules will support you along your journey. These rules I call "The Rules for Living Strong?. Once you have determined your purpose, then your Rules for Living Strong will become obvious and while they may be similar to other people's they will be different in key ways and unique to your life journey. One aspect to these rules are your values. Your values unconsciously direct your actions...they "tell" you where to spend your time and what to give attention to. This is why knowing and understanding your values is so important in fulfilling your life's purpose and achieving personal success. Dalai Llama's might include spending several hours meditating each day. Steven Spielberg's might include watching movies by other director's each week. Your Rules for Living Strong might include anything from eating vegetables every day to dancing, to having a good, long laugh! Any small steps that lead to your purpose can be added to your rules. Try and create about 5 rules for living strong that you can achieve each day. Keep a journal outlining every day if you have achieved them or not and don't forget to celebrate when you do. Focus So let's recap. To achieve your purpose in life you will have written down your values and understand their importance in relation to hierarchy and motivation ('away from' or 'towards'). Consciously design your purpose, discussed it with a few trusted friends, colleagues, or coach, created some goals, designed some actions and written up your rules for living strong to support you in your daily activates. Each day you'll check in to make sure you are living by your rules or structures that support you in achieving your purpose. After having done all of this you will notice how your focus is totally different to before. You're purpose is before you everyday, you are focused on it, you are achieving your goals, you are sharing your purpose with your trusted consul. The energy around all of this activity is outward and forward. As you continue doing this you will notice how opportunities will come before you that support your purpose. Your rules will ensure you are open to receiving and seeing these opportunities as they arise before you. Now the positive energy is spinning around you, in you, out of you and it is noticeable. When highly successful people are surveyed and asked about their personal success it is always because they were very clear about their purpose and they stayed focused on achieving it. Everyday you will encounter reasons that may make you question your purpose or the action you need to take that may challenge you. If your purpose is strongly grounded in your values then you will know intuitively that your purpose is clear and exact. If you have followed the process honestly and deeply then trust your purpose and your values, which means trust yourself. Contemplation Select three trusted people you would like to share your values and purpose with...or a coach :-). How will you ask them to support you in achieving your purpose? Think of some role models that you have and look at what you value about them. Keep these role models close at hand so their lives inspire your when you need it. What are your rules for living well? Mental Strength Coaching Taking it to the next level Some people come to me with a clear vision for their life and a keen sense of their own personal values. Others have spent some time reflecting on these but will find that my coaching takes them to a deeper level and helps them to really clarify what they want out of life. Still others come to me looking at specific work or life challenges and have spent very little time contemplating any bigger issues than these. My clients use coaching to support them to achieve any goal and to change any behavior. However, the goals that bring them closer to their purpose will be the most satisfying. The behaviors that align most closely to their values will be the ones that bring them the most joy. When a client and I work together on these items, coaching moves them to a new level. Things that seemed impossible before suddenly become possible. Pathways become clearer and obstacles smaller. I really enjoy taking my clients through the above process. I use a variety exercises and techniques like, hypnosis, Time Empowerment® or visualization to support them in knowing their purpose and I also ask them to contemplate and meditate on it. I always ask my client how I can best support them in achieving their purpose. It is always great to work with a client to support them in thinking big. As a coach I often ask my client to imagine if anything is possible, keep getting them to create a bigger picture for themselves. I discuss any perceived limitations they may have and ask them to put these aside whilst doing this exercise. All limitations and fears can be worked through. Often these fears disappear when a client realizes their purpose. Everything falls into place and they suddenly smile and feel relieved. You can hear them take a big breathe like a sigh. This is a great sign. They are feeling certain of their purpose and it is comforting them. The deep breathe is the release of all the fears. It is vital that I encourage, inspire and guide my client into knowing their purpose when they are ready to go there. It will give them the clarity they need and the direction to move forward in to be highly successful and confident and reach their peak personal performance. Often when I first start working with a client I ask them to do this process first. If my client doesn't the relevance in this, at this time, I'll give them the space to move there when they are ready. 'Enthusing' them along the way I support them as best as possible. It's only fear of how amazing we can be that stops us from following our purpose. As a coach I know my purpose and how it relates to me and my life. I sometimes share my purpose with clients in order to put them at ease. It is pretty hard not to talk about one's life purpose once you recognize what it is. It is so exciting and it will create enormous amounts of energy in you! Reflection What is it about coaching that can assist you in reflecting on their purpose? Why are values so important to your life's purpose? Do you feel there is a relationship between values and happiness and if so what is it? What is the relationship between behaviors and underlying values? My e-book, "Develop the Mental Strength of a Warrior" can assist you tremendously in discovering values and your life purpose. Also, if you'd like to explore this further "live" request your Introductory Consultation. To Your Inner Strength, 2010 COPYRIGHT © by Gregg Swanson
The following information is used by permission from Keith Varnum: http://www.thedream.com/
Who do you think you are In our knowing we’re all aware that we’re spiritual beings having a physical experience—rather than physical beings having a spiritual experience. We’re energy beings—the densest part of our energy body appearing as physical matter, our physical body. We’re omnipotent souls pretending to be limited personalities. We’re loving hearts sometimes fooled by a fearful ego! So, what is your True Self up to behind-the-scenes this lifetime? And how is the Real You guiding the You-in-Disguise? How is the Wise You leading the Undercover You through the maya maze of matrix and mayhem? More ... 2010 COPYRIGHT © by Keith Varnum Drawing from the wisdom of native cultures and ancient spiritual traditions, Keith Varnum shares his practical approach to healing and transformation as a Certified Matrix Energetics Practitioner, life strategy coach, author, acupuncturist, filmmaker, radio host, vision quest guide and international seminar leader with his free, fun Prosperity Ezine, free Empowerment CD and free Coaching at www.TheDream.com
The following information is used by permission from Gregg Swanson: http://www.warriormindcoach.com/
The Power of a Coach Personal coaching has been around for some time now and still there is much confusion as to what a coach is, what they do and how they can help (you). To start I'd like to offer a definition from The International Coach Federation defines coaching in the following way: "Professional coaches provide an ongoing partnership designed to help clients produce fulfilling results in their personal and professional lives. Coaches help people improve their performances and enhance the quality of their lives. Coaches are trained to listen, to observe and to customize their approach to individual client needs. They seek to elicit solutions and strategies from the client; they believe the client is naturally creative and resourceful. The coach's job is to provide support to enhance the skills, resources, and creativity that the client already has." Coaching is still a comparably new profession. It blends the best concepts from business, psychology, philosophy, sports and spirituality. Although coaching combines skills from other disciplines, it is a distinct process of supporting others to create an ideal life. Coaches work with clients on a variety of topics: from business and professional issues to personal and spiritual concerns. A coach is an advocate, a sounding board, a cheerleader, an accountability partner, a truth teller and a supporter. In general, coaching is the process of helping people and teams to perform at the peak of their abilities. It involves drawing out people's strengths, helping them to bypass personal barriers and limits in order to achieve their personal best, and facilitating them to function more effectively as members of a team. Thus, effective coaching requires an emphasis on both task and relationship. Coaching emphasizes generative change, concentrating on defining and achieving specific goals. Coaching methodologies are outcome-oriented rather than problem-oriented. They tend to be highly solution focused, promoting the development of new strategies for thinking and acting, as opposed to trying to resolve problems and past conflicts. Problem solving, or remedial change, is more associated with counseling and therapy. Coaching can be helpful in all areas of a person's life like: Fitness Sales Personal goals Business Relationships Finance Just to name a few. Robert Dilts of NLP University has taken the concept of coaching to a new level. He refers to it as "From Coach to Awakener." This is the method I tend to embrace. There are 6 unique "roles" that a coach plays in this journey, and they are: Guiding and Caretaking Guiding and caretaking have to do with providing support with respect to the environment in which change takes place. Guiding is the process of directing a person or group along the path leading from some present state to a desired state. It presupposes that the "guide" has been there before, and knows the best way (or at least a way) to reach the desired state. Being a caretaker, or "custodian," involves providing a safe and supportive environment. It has to do with attending to the external context and making sure that what is needed is available, and that there are no unnecessary distractions or interferences from the outside. Coaching Traditional coaching (i.e., small "c" coaching) is focused at a behavioral level, involving the process of helping another person to achieve or improve a particular behavioral performance. Coaching methods at this level derive primarily from a sports training model, promoting conscious awareness of resources and abilities, and the development of conscious competence. They involve drawing out and strengthening people's abilities through careful observation and feedback, and facilitating them to act in coordination with other team members. An effective coach of this type observes people's behavior and gives them tips and guidance about how to improve in specific contexts and situations. Teaching Teaching relates to helping a person develop cognitive skills and capabilities. The goal of teaching is generally to assist people to increase competencies and "thinking skills" relevant to an area of learning. Teaching focuses on the acquisition of general cognitive abilities, rather than on particular performances in specific situations. A teacher helps a person to develop new strategies for thinking and acting. The emphasis of teaching is more on new learning than on refining one's previous performance. Mentoring Mentoring involves guiding someone to discover his or her own unconscious competencies and overcome internal resistances and interferences, through believing in the person and validating his or her positive intentions. Mentors help to shape or influence a person's beliefs and values in a positive way by "resonating" with, releasing, or unveiling that person's inner wisdom, frequently through the mentor's own example. This type of mentoring often becomes internalized as part of a person, so that the external presence of the mentor is no longer necessary. People are able to carry "inner mentors" as counselors and guides for their lives in many situations. Sponsoring "Sponsorship" is the process of recognizing and acknowledging ("seeing and blessing") the essence or identity of another person. Sponsorship involves seeking and safeguarding potential within others, focusing on the development of identity and core values. Effective sponsorship results from the commitment to the promotion of something that is already within a person or group, but which is not being manifested to its fullest capacity. This is accomplished through constantly sending messages such as: You exist. I see you. You are valuable. You are important/special/unique. You are welcome. You belong here. You have something to contribute. A good "sponsor" creates a context in which others can act, grow and excel. Sponsors provide the conditions, contacts and resources that allow the group or individual being sponsored to focus on, develop and use their own abilities and skills. Awakening Awakening goes beyond coaching, teaching, mentoring and sponsorship to include the level of vision, mission and spirit. An awakener supports another person by providing contexts and experiences which bring out the best of that person's understanding of love, self, and spirit. An awakener "awakens" others through his or her own integrity and congruence. An awakener puts other people in touch with their own missions and visions by being in full contact with his or her own vision and mission. Dilts explains more by saying: "This complementary group of competencies--caretaking, guiding, coaching, teaching, mentoring, sponsoring and awakening--define the skill set of large "C" coaching. These are essential skills, regardless of whether one is coaching a little league baseball team, a coworker trying to improve his or her ability to communicate, a project group in a company, a person making a life transition, or the Chief Executive Officer of a multinational organization. Each of the different levels of support requires a different quality of relationship on the part of the coach and a different tool set. The tools of mentoring, for instance, are distinct from those of teaching, guiding or awakening." I also discuss how coaching can assist groups and individuals in my podcast below: http://itunes.apple.com/WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/viewPodcast?id=375677020 I firmly embrace the concept that people are holistic and synergistic in their existence and to "work" on one area of life to the exclusion of others creates an unbalance. My specialty is developing mental strength for personal peak performance and personal success by working with the physical, mental, emotional and spiritual systems of the individual. Only by working in these four major energy areas can a person realize their true potential. A word of warning, the path of the Awakener is not easy, it will test you. And if you can develop the mental strength and push past the mind chatter, the ego and self-doubt you WILL come out the other end a completely changed person. This is what coaching will do for you! If you'd like to experience what coaching is like request an Introductory Consultation and give it a spin and see what it feels like. If you'd like to take a different approach, pick up a copy of "Develop the Mental Strength of a Warrior" first. Then when you've finished the book and the exercises contact me for the Introductory Consultation. OK...has this helped clear up some of what a coach is and how a coach can help you? To Your Inner Strength, 2010 COPYRIGHT © by Gregg Swanson
The following information is used by permission from Gregg Swanson: http://www.warriormindcoach.com/
The Power of Listening For Personal Development - Part I "The most basic of all human needs is the need to understand and be understood. The best way to understand people is to listen to them." (Ralph Nichols) Have you ever wondered why many people think they're a good listener? Is it because we place little value on this skill or is it because people see it as such a natural part of being human? Yet how many people could you say are really good listeners? You may know one or two people but that is about all. I'm sure we can agree that this as a skill we need as part of personal development ...but how many of us spend developing this skill? A powerful listener is someone who is able to focus on what another person is saying without getting distracted. A powerful listener has intense focus. A powerful listener is present in the moment of the conversation. Perhaps our reason for overlooking this skill is that it sounds so easy to achieve but in practice it is very difficult. It requires putting our own needs aside to listen to another. To achieve this requires ensuring that you are feeling confident about yourself and fully aware of your needs at that moment. It is far better to say that you are not able to listen to someone when you can't than to fake it. This type of deception is picked-up immediately and any attempt at creating a trusting relationship may fail. The Other Side A person speaking needs to feel that he or she is heard and understood. They need to have a response when one is asked for. As humans the very nature of being understood and heard is connected to our sense of self worth. When you are speaking, you have something of value to say and you want to say it to contribute and to be heard. If you are not listened to or even ignored, this hits at the heart of who you are and your self esteem. Imagine if you walked around all day and no one answered you when you spoke to them. Perhaps you would start to feel as though you were invisible. Having a voice helps us to identify with our family, friends and community. It helps us to understand ourselves. Some people use conversation to gain clarity on what they are thinking. They talk to people to work through thoughts and to refine them. Good Person - Great Listener Why is it that we would never say we are a good talker, but we would say we are a good listener? Is being a good listener connected with the belief that this makes you a better person? Being a good listener may be connected to the notion of generosity - giving time to someone. Is this what makes us a good person? So on one hand we see being a good listener as being connected to being a good person but on the other hand we may not spend a great deal of time perfecting this skill. "A little recognized value of listening and inquiring relates to the realization that in human relationships, it is frequently not what the facts are, but what people think the facts are, which is truly important. There is benefit in learning what someone else's concept of the reality of the situation is." (Bryan Bell) Practice Sit in a quiet space, empty yourself of all thoughts and then count to 50 silently (in your head). The aim of this is to see if you can actually get to 50 without your thoughts drifting off...this my friend takes mental strength! If you can count to 50 and be focused then you are able to be present for at least one minute. Now this may seem like an incredibly short amount of time but in a conversation this is quite a long period. You can practice this skill over time to see if you can increase the number of seconds you can stay focused for. One of the important areas to consider about being a powerful listener is to determine if you value this skill or not and if it fits into your personal development plan. Really ask yourself if it is important enough to spend many hours learning how to be a powerful listener. Also ask yourself if you value what other people have to say - do you see that other people have something to offer to your life? Are you able to listen to someone if you cannot immediately see if what they are saying is of value to you? If you truly value powerful listening then you will enter this skill into your conscious thought and you will start to become aware of how you listen to people throughout your day. You will start to observe yourself in conversations. Bringing this level of awareness about powerful listening into your day will be the first step to increasing your skills in this incredibly important area. This will carry over to your enrich and enhance your personal performance that will lead to your personal success. Contemplation How would you describe yourself as a listener? Write down what you value about being a powerful listener. Design a plan on how you can increase your skills in being a powerful listener. How do you feel when you are listened to? My Coaching Application Coaching is a different type of conversation than those we have on a day-to-day basis. When coaching a client, I listen intently to what he/she is saying and feeling. It is not a two-way conversation as such. Rather, the focus is on and all about my client. As your coach, I should only share personal information and stories if they pertain to and can help you with your specific situation. How many of us feel like we are really listened to - that people really get what we are saying? Did you know we usually only recall 50 percent of what we have heard immediately after listening to someone talk? It is little wonder that most people do not feel like they are heard. As a coach, listening is one of the most vital services I can provide. Part of what my clients are paying me for, is to simply listen to them. Just listen. That, in itself, is powerful. "The primary purpose of listening... is to truly understand the other person's point of view, how they think and feel and how they "move through the world.? (Zeus and Skiffington, 2000) A good coach or friend is listening for what truly inspires you, lightens you up, excites you, frees you, and keeps you from resignation. A coach (or friend) then listens for what would fulfill that inspiration, and listens for what gets in the way. Above all, a coach listens to a client as a magnificent, extraordinary person; as their greater self, and relates to them that way. When I'm working with a client, I'm listening for not just what my client is saying but what they are NOT saying and how they are saying it (e.g. what feelings and emotions are being expressed or withheld). I listen to the pitch, tone and rhythm of my client's speech. A faster than usual pace and higher pitch may indicate excitement, a slow monotonous tone may indicate a lack of enthusiasm, a higher pitch and lack of ability to match breathing to speech may indicate anxiety. Again, I'm also interested in what my client is NOT saying. My clients don't always tell me everything that is happening for a myriad of reasons. I listen for subtle changes in voice, avoidance of questions or a change in subject. If a client starts to get aggravated or angry, I know I'm most likely touching on something. I then proceed with caution and very gently (but directly), ask the client more questions. I let my client know what I am really hearing them, and ask if there is something more they want to say about it. The Power of Listening For Personal Development - Part II Active Listening The practice of "active listening" has been used extensively in counseling and educational fields for over fifteen years now. It is also used in sales, negatiations and many other areas. Although its exact origin is unknown. Many people believe that they understand and apply it in their life and work, to truly actively listen is harder than it at first appears. The best way to describe "active listening" is to describe what it is not. Active listening is not hearing until the other person has stopped talking so we can share our thoughts with them. Rather, active listening is truly attending to and "tuning in" to the person talking. Most of us think we listen, yet we do not always "attend" to the person who is speaking to us. We are too busy doing other things, or thinking about things, while others are talking to us. Often times we are composing our reply in our head while the other person is talking. Our focus is on how we will reply to them, not to what they are actually saying. Other times we are entertaining judgments, opinions, or even beliefs about someone or something that is being said - while they are talking! Sometimes we forget to "live in the present moment." Active listening is about being in the present to "tune in" every moment that is necessary. To be an "active listener" you must develop the following skills: Listen Attentively: It is extremely difficult to receive information when your mouth is moving and making noise. Remain silent when someone speaks. This sounds simple but it is easy to say, harder to do. Even reassuring or consoling, while appropriate in non-coaching environments, can be counter-productive in a coaching relationship as this may prevent the client from telling their story. Give the speaker your complete attention. Avoid Distracting Behaviors: Interruptions or visual stimulation can detract from listening. One hint is if you're on the phone and you have the time, close your PC, silent you cell phone and clean off your desk. The key here is to keep anything distracting out of view to listen thoroughly. That space of listening honors the client genuinely. Paraphrase: Verify what you are hearing by repeating it back in your own words. A specific example of this might be; "What I heard you say was..." When you can repeat back what the client has just said, then you let the client know you have truly heard them. The client will feel understood and welcomed by your listening. It is important, however, to only paraphrase whole concepts or major points in the conversation. If you paraphrase every small part of a conversation, it can unnecessarily slow the client down and become a tedious distraction. The extent to which you paraphrase will also vary from client to client and from issue to issue. For example, if someone is telling you about something quite complex and hard to follow, you may want to paraphrase regularly. Also, if someone is feeling very emotional, they may need the extra support that comes from knowing that they have been really heard and understood, so they may need you to paraphrase more frequently. Knowing exactly how, when and how often to paraphrase in a conversation is a very powerful skill that can be developed through concentration and practice over time. Check Perceptions: Checking perception is similar to paraphrasing with one important distinction. Perception checking is about feelings rather than concepts. The focus is on checking what you perceive to be the emotions that motivate the other person's communication. The concern is not what the person communicated in words, as much as it is the emotion conveyed by their tone of voice. From a coaching perspective, some coaches can miss many of the emotional dimensions of a conversation if they are not listening for what is NOT being said. Consequently, they can miss what the client's personal reaction to the event is and how they really feel about it. If the feeling is missed, the coach loses the opportunity to sense the unique situation of their client. Personally, feelings help me sort out data, organize it, and use it effectively as I shape and share relevant feedback. As a coach, I often reflect feelings back to my clients. For example, some things I say (which could be used in any conversation) "It sounds as if you are feeling...." "You seem really upset, excited, overwhelmed about...." "I'm hearing a lot of emotion in your voice when you say X, can you tell me some more about that?" When I give this type of feedback I give my client the opportunity to confirm or disagree with my reflections of their feelings. This, too, will allow my client to feel truly heard. Powerful Listening Powerful listening builds on the principles of active listening with some additional strategies. Waiting: Wait ten seconds before replying to what a person has just said. So often, we jump in and interrupt conversation before the person has finished speaking. Allow the client to have the space to finish their thoughts and feelings. There is an acronym that I sometimes use to remind myself to wait. It is W.A.I.T. and stands for "Why Am I Talking?" Sometimes, an extended silence will prompt my client to think more about the issue and add a detail or two. This may be important and even revealing to you as I coach, as well as to my client. Many of us, particularly those in western societies, are culturally programmed to think that silences between two people are negative. The term "awkward silence" is often used to describe periods of quiet in between conversational exchanges. There is no corresponding positive term in the English language to describe this phenomenon. You may find that it takes time and effort to train yourself into allowing your conversation partner a few extra moments to compose their thoughts. You may also find, due to cultural conditioning, that this silence is something negative, such as not listening or not understanding what they have said. If this is the case, you may need to explain the strategy to them. Alternatively, you could begin with a standard response time when speaking with them and then slowly increase the listening wait time, over the period that you work with them. To be continued... My e-book, "Develop the Mental Strength of a Warrior" can assist you tremendously in moving from delay to action. If you'd like to experience Coaching for Success request your Introductory Consultation. Again, I'd like to thanks ICA International Coaching Academy - they have been such a great source of inspiration and information. The Power of Listening For Personal Development - Part III This is the final post on this subject and a continuation from "The Power of Listening For Personal Development" - Part II. We finished off the last section with some ideas for Powerful Listening. I'd like to continue this with a few more ideas to create an environment for Powerful Listening. Getting a Person to Say More: The more a person says, the better you can listen together. The waiting strategy (previously discussed) alone will increase the amount of information you receive from individuals and will encourage them to dig deeper into what is really going on in their lives. Using phrases such as: "Please, tell me more" or "Is there anything else you want to say about that?" will also often support the person to explore more. Just as individuals might be conditioned into thinking silences are negative, they may also be conditioned into thinking that talking at length about themselves is somehow selfish or inappropriate. It is important to disabuse them of this notion and to remind them that really listening is about them. People will often stop talking before they have fully explored a point because they are conscious of not dominating all of the conversation. It might take some encouragement from you to let them know that you will provide the space for them to say as much as they need to say. Responding: The use of techniques that allow the individual to know that they are being heard. Paraphrasing is one of the ways that you can let a person know that they are being heard, however, as we have learned earlier, this strategy needs to be used judiciously. There are additional ways that we can let a person know that you are listening besides paraphrasing. In a face to face situation you have the benefits of body language including smiling, nodding our head and using facial expressions. However, if you are having a conversation over the telephone, the person cannot see you, so you must rely on verbal cues to let them know you are listening. You can let the client know you are listening by saying such things as: "Yes, I hear you," "Right" "Keep Talking" and "Hmmm"...and move your body the same way as if they could see you....they'll pick up on the congruence between your energy and what you are saying. Once again, this concept may sound simple, but is easier said than done. Try watching a friend or colleague on the telephone. You may see them nodding their head, smiling, or opening their eyes in astonishment, completely oblivious to the fact that the person on the other end of the line is not picking up any of these cues! Try to stay focused on the messages the client is receiving, rather than on the cues you are giving out as they are not necessarily the same. If you really analyze yourself, you may find that you need to respond more. Being Empathetic and Non-Judgmental: When you value the individual and accept their feelings you'll be able to empathize more, and to offer them the gift of being heard. "The ground rule for you as a listener is this: It is not your job to point out to someone what you think he or she may be missing." (Kegan and Lahey, 2001) Forgo judgments until after they have finished speaking...judgments can impair your listening. Frequently there are preconceptions about what the person might say that shape the parts of the conversation that we pick up and the parts we don't hear. You may "tune in" to the parts that are personally interesting and tune out of parts that we deem boring or repetitious, but which may be vitally important to the person. Ultimately your judgments and opinions are about yourself, and your own life journey, not about the person being talking. Part of truly listening to an individual is moving beyond your own ideas, values and life choices and focusing on those of the person. You are not really listening to them if you allow your own opinions and judgments to shape how much you hear them. Moving to Action: Analysis without action is not coaching (at least for me), so while it is essential that I give my client's time and space to really be heard, there are some conditions that I need to apply. If my client is rambling or venting about an issue, this is not constructive. Often when people are in ranting mode, they're not really wanting to be listened to. They are behaving like a mouse on a treadmill; falling into easy default behavior rather than really communicating. If this occurs, I often to move to the heart of the matter by saying something like: "How does that fit with what we were discussing?" "How does that apply?" "That's interesting; however let's get back to what we were talking about." I'm sure you can see where these questions can be helpful in your personal and professional life can't you? If my client is focusing for too long on a past issue, injury or disappointment, I may need to move them to a more future focus. I support my client in moving from worry, or anger, to a solution by saying something like: "Let's link this to your current goals." "So what do you think the next step is?" "How should we proceed?" "What will you do this week to get this resolved?" Again, I'm sure you can applications for these questions in your life right? Use Your Intuition: Listen from the heart and pick up on all communication. Share with the person things you are sensing and feeling. Intuition is a very powerful communication tool. If you're sensing something about what the person is saying, it is best to share it with them. Contemplation 1. What are five things that you need to listen for with a person? 2. Which of the listening strategies do you actively apply and which would you like more practice with? 3. How difficult is it to forego judgments and opinions while listening to an individual? 4. Why can consoling be a problem when listening to a person? 5. What is the difference between "rambling and venting" and genuinely unpacking an issue? 6. What do you think it means to "listen from the heart"? Well that's it! I hope you not only enjoyed this series, but took away some useful information to make you a Powerful Listener. When you being to apply the tips in this series you'll enhance your personal performance and better your odds for your personal success! My e-book, "Develop the Mental Strength of a Warrior" can assist you tremendously with career and personal performance as well as career and personal success. If you'd like to experience what Coaching for Success is really feels like, request your 'Introductory Consultation'. This way you can see if coaching is right for you if you like what you hear. After all, it's only one session, and I'm sure you're wonder "What do I have to lose?"...better yet...what do have to gain? Again, I'd like to thanks ICA International Coaching Academy! They have been such a great source of inspiration and information. References for this series: Bell, Bryan - as quoted on the website of the International Listening Association, http://listen.org Kegan, Robert and Lahey, Lisa, 2001, "How the Way We Talk Can Change the Way We Work", Jossey-Bass, San Francisco Nichols, Ralph, as quoted on the website of the International Listening Association, http://listen.org Zeus, Perry and Skiffington, Suzanne, 2000, "The Complete Guide to Coaching at Work", McGraw-Hill To Your Inner Strength, COPYRIGHT © by Gregg Swanson
The following information is used by permission from Gregg Swanson: http://www.warriormindcoach.com/
Creating Awareness Through Mental Strength - Part I Being aware is like breathing, it is fundamental to our every day existence. Without awareness we are moving throughout life without breathe, without direction, without connecting with ourselves and thus others. Awareness is often mistaken as seeing outward, noticing what others are doing, how they are doing things, how they are stopping us from doing certain activities or stopping us from living our life. Most of our notion of awareness is being aware of others and how they are affecting us. We sometimes consider ourselves to be very aware beings because we notice everything that people are doing around us. We notice the personal success of others, we notice the gains of others, and we notice what others have. We are aware of what our neighbors have that we don't have, we are aware of a great relationship someone else has that we don't have, we are aware of a career someone else has that we don't have, we are aware of a great life another person has that always feels like it was achieved through the loss of our own life. Our awareness over time turns into wariness, always being wary of what is going on with others around us. However, awareness also involves having an inward focus, not just an outward focus. It involves personal empowerment. Awareness is knowing how we breathe, knowing the patterns that we have in our everyday life, awareness is understanding our connection to the Universe; awareness is knowing our beliefs, our mind, our spirit, our body. Many people have written about the gaining of awareness. Maslow's hierarchy of needs was about understanding levels of awareness that we need to have as a person. He saw total awareness as self actualization, the highest level in the hierarchy. Another way of looking at awareness is through exploring the ancient teachings of the chakras which originated four thousand years ago. There are seven chakras and each chakra represents steps to pass through in the aim of achieving ever-expanding states of consciousness. The seventh chakra, Sahasrara, is about awareness through self-knowledge, gaining an understanding of our identify within the universe. There are many philosophical thoughts around achieving awareness. In her book, "Eastern Body, Western Mind", Anodea Judith, discusses three types of philosophical thought to gain awareness. 1. The enlightenment philosophies, whose movement is upward and beyond, toward mental and spiritual realms. They are derived primarily from Eastern Cultures and their focus is on transcendence. They seek to escape the trials and tribulations of the mundane world by ascending to higher planes of consciousness that transcend suffering. 2. The embodiment philosophies, whose movement is down and in, towards the realms of manifestation, soul, body, and engagement with the world around us. They are reflected in the practice of somatic therapy, bioenergetics and earth-centered spirituality. Their focus is on immanence, or the presence of the divine within. They seek to end suffering by engaging with the forces that cause it. 3. The integrative philosophies, whose movement is toward integration of opposites, mind and body, Heaven and Earth, spirit and matter, light and shadow, male and female. The goal of integrative philosophies is transformation and wholeness. - (Judith, A, pp.xi) All of these philosophies rely on gaining an understanding of awareness of self. They all require mental strength and look within to know more about self. First Step to Creating Awareness The first step to creating awareness is recognizing that you want to. Having awareness could be described as having a learning pathway for your life. Learning more about you is part of growing as a person. If we choose not to gain self awareness then we stagnate in life and don't grow. This may sound very harsh but how many times have we looked at others and wondered why they have never moved on in life or grown. People like this usually complain about their life but are unwilling to do anything about it. Unfortunately this person who we are observing is a mirror of ourselves. Self awareness means knowing our self more and this can be pretty scary at times. However the down side is not growing as a person. So by developing mental strength, taking the first step and getting past the scary bit is really important. Creating awareness also supports us in identifying the areas of our life that work for us and the ones that don't. Think back to the time when you wanted to change something in your life, and you kept trying to do this but it just never happened. Eventually you gave up, possible feeling unsuccessful and defeated. We often take on new things to change our life, adding more things to what we do rather than unpacking or looking at what we already do to understand this more. With NLP there is a powerful technique called "modeling." When executed correctly with awareness a person observes the strategies, physiology and internal representations of the "model" (the person they'd like be like, i.e. get the same results) and then takes on the action (a behavior) that the model would take. By being aware we know that it's just not the behavior/action that creates the desired results. We understand that the behavior (the action) is the byproduct of thinking, beliefs, values as well as physiology… Creating Awareness Through Mental Strength - Part II Imagine a story about Sarah...Sarah has decided she wants to learn more about herself and is determined to understand how she desires to move forward in life. She begins to read books on leadership and found that she had some of the qualities leaders spoke about. The next step she took was to understand what her qualities and strengths were. To do this she employed a coach (good job!), completed several assessments to understand herself more and she began writing down all of her strengths. She also began to work out what her vision was for herself. All of these actions made her feel more focused and stronger in herself. She believed that leadership was her strength and so she began to look at her self and to recognize that being a great leader meant knowing more about herself. Her confidence increased and her supports helped her stay focused. She continued to look more and more at who she was and to committing to knowing more and more about herself. She went to work and explained her own pathway to her team. She asked them to support her as their leader by helping her know more about their strengths so she could manage everyone more effectively. This outcome is directly related to Sarah being 'aware'. Sarah's pathway to knowing more about herself meant she also opened up the pathway for others around her to know more about themselves. What an amazing shift in focus. Great leaders know more about themselves than anyone else. Their focus is on their self not others. Application Having greater self awareness is part of becoming a leader. A leader is a person who is leading their own life from strength to strength. Great leaders we see around us are great because they follow their own pathway, they know who they are, they have planned out their pathway for learning and personal empowerment and they are on the journey of greater self awareness. They recognize that self awareness and personal development is something you must value and is then part of you for ever. Being a great leader is not following someone else, it is simply knowing yourself. We sometimes think that being a great leader is about standing up in front of many and running a company and creating huge financial and personal success. Yet many great leaders have never been great for these reasons. Stop for a moment and think about who your role models of great leaders are. List what you think their strengths were. No doubt you have listed all the strengths you either have or wished you had. You are likely to list all the strengths that you value. They are great leaders to you because you identify with some of their strengths. When you gain greater self awareness you are also becoming a great leader, leading your life on a pathway or journey that you are passionate about, gaining ongoing awareness of yourself. Those around you will see your confidence, will see your focus and will see you growing. To them you are a great leader, leading the pathway for others to follow, showing the importance of following your dreams and passions, showing the importance of knowing who you are, showing the importance of focusing on looking inward rather than outward. At the end of 2008, the world went into an economic downturn. Banks crashed, governments crashed, institutions that were once strong and financially secure suddenly crashed. The impact was devastating. People lost jobs and houses. Families became unbelievably stressed, people panicked as there was no clear path forward. Change had been forced upon everyone. The story of the economic downturn was told far and wide as the media covered stories of hardship and struggle. Everyday bad news was told, everyday people lost their jobs and security. The greatest pain was the pain people felt at being lost, unsure of what to do next, waiting for companies to climb out of the crisis. Many people waited (and are still waiting) daily to hear the news, hoping for a better future. The saddest thing to watch was people frozen in fear, afraid of the future, afraid of what was going to happen. Everyone was feeling the fear. In times like this people have change forced upon them. A shift this great often opens up opportunities for greater awareness. We are forced to look at who we are and to rely on our strengths. Communities congregate and we turn to each other. Reaching out to others can be the first step to awareness. How much more empowering would it be to determine our own pathway rather than having it forced upon us or not knowing ourselves enough to be able to see a future. There are many ways to support you in developing your self awareness. Next week I'll share a list that will outline just a few ways. Ultimately, The best approach is to determine what works best for you. Creating Awareness Through Mental Strength - Part III In this final installment of creating awareness I'm going to get into some specific tips and techniques you can use that will assist in self awareness, personal success and personal empowerment. Funny thing about awareness and perception, the simple fact of just being aware that you are aware enhances your awareness, you were aware of that weren't you? Ways to Develop Self Awareness Write in a journal everyday so you can see patterns that emerge in your life. Employ a coach who will support you on your journey of self awareness, personal development and personal empowerment, and make sure tell them this is the goal of your coaching. Ask your friends and family to support you as you learn more about yourself. Ask them to share what they see are your strengths, your qualities, etc. Create an exercise schedule to keep you focused and healthy. Attend a workshop or read books on self awareness and personal development to find the approach you want to support you on your journey. List your goals for self awareness, and how what you need to achieve them. Meditate regularly asking yourself what you need to learn more aboutyourself. Connect with others who also value self awareness to support you. Sleep at least 8 hours every day and eat healthy replenishing foods. Contemplation for Self Awareness Do you value self awareness and what does this mean to you? Do you believe you are on a pathway of self awareness and if yes, how do you know this? How comfortable do you feel about talking about yourself to others and how do you think these feelings reflect on your self awareness? Coaching Application One of the most valuable contributions that I make to my clients is to help them become aware of their behavior. One of the reasons that my clients work with me is because they want to encourage more positive things in their lives and they want to rid themselves of unhelpful behaviors that lead to negative effects. In order for my clients to change unhelpful behaviors they might need some support to actually see these behaviors in action. People also choose working with me on their self awareness because they recognize that asking for support is an important step. Having me as their coach requires my clients to speak out loud their thoughts, this stops the inner discussion that goes on in their mind and also the pattern of this discussion. As we all know our inner self talk can be quite critical and it also seems to go round and round in circles never moving us forward. It's my aim is to question their "good intentions." Talking out loud to me tells their inner self talk that they are no longer listening to it. A conversation out loud also requires my clients to speak their intent, to articulate their thoughts and this can be the first step to committing to a new way of doing something. And this is a major step towards achieving their peak performance. The Advice Trap Most of us have had the experience of looking at another person's life and thinking "if only they did 'X' their life would be so much better". We might look at a friend and think, "If only she took better care of her appearance, she would feel so much more confident" or look at a partner and think "If only he would go to bed earlier, he would perform so much better at work". Maybe we look at the way others parent and think "they should be stricter with their child or she will never learn boundaries". Firstly, no matter how well meaning the advice is, it serves to emphasize and underline a problem. The result is to make others feel guilty. When you feel guilty, your energy immediately goes into repelling those feelings of guilt, instead of focusing on a way forward. Another problem with advice is that it implies judgment. Finally, the advice giver is not allowing the advice receiver to take responsibility for their own life. Advice givers believe they know better. My coaching is built on the belief that the solution is within my client. Only when my client owns the solution will a solution be achieved. My client will put the energy into creating a solution and will know what they need to do. Using Powerful Questions Powerful questions support my clients in stopping in their particular pathway of thought and looking at a situation from a different perspective. This creates a distance and so allows my clients to see a situation much easier. Powerful questions also support opportunities for growth and creativity. Asking questions support my client in knowing more about themselves and what they need to do and creates personal empowerment. Effective Feedback or Outlining Observations Another way I create awareness with my clients is through the use of feedback. Feedback is an observation. It is information that I have noticed, discerned, or are picking up from what they are saying. The difference between feedback and advice is that feedback is nonjudgmental. It is not based on opinion nor beliefs but rather on the moment of observation. Feedback never includes the words "you should". Feedback helps my clients to realize that my listening is complete and real. Effective feedback creates a kind of awareness that makes a difference in how one sees things. It provides insight, opens thought and expands vision. To give good feedback requires generosity on behalf of the coach. Feedback is always neutral and objective. When giving feedback, the greatest challenge one can have, is to really make a contribution that benefits the client. It involves giving up any judgments, opinions and even beliefs, about something or someone. Feedback is neither positive nor negative. It is simply feedback. By stating what is or what is not from another perspective, may just help your client get an insight that they can use. Giving great feedback takes lots of practice and I would encourage you to use it daily. Another way to become skilled at giving feedback is to receive feedback yourself. Being on the receiving end of feedback helps you to observe the ways that feedback can be phrased to make it the most effective. Feedback is where you offer a friend the observations you have made. I use this in almost every coaching session with my clients. An example of this can be in the language my clients might use. People are often unaware of the language they use. When I highlight the language used by my client it can help them to gain greater understanding of themselves. Sometimes a client may make the same statement about themselves over and over again but may not be aware that they are doing this. As their coach, I ask them if they would like to hear what they have been saying about themselves and repeat back to them their words. This is a very awareness creating exercise and assists them with their personal development. Some More Examples of Effective Feedback To give feedback is to simply mirror back to a person the way we see it. For example, you may say to a friend, "I hear you are really angry about that, do you want to talk more about it?" There is no judgment here about the emotion being conveyed by the client. It is simply being noticed for the friend to evaluate the feeling and move forward. If one of my clients shares a situation, I can offer to provide feedback by saying: "Would you like a different perspective?" Or perhaps say: "Can I share with you what I am getting from that?" Again, feedback is simply about sharing an observation without judgment. Role-play and Feed Forward Role-play is a very effective technique to create awareness with my clients, and you can use it with your friends and/or family. It is particularly helpful when one of my clients is unsure how to have a conversation with someone; or has some fear around what to say and how to proceed. In this case, role-play becomes essentially a practice conversation. This is done so that my client can find some powerful and clear ways to communicate to resolve the situation. As their coach, I can provide them with effective feedback on what I observed, and you can do the same with your friends. Reflection What is the purpose of feedback in a conversation or situation? What are three situations you might encounter in which role-play could be useful? How do you maintain your self awareness? References for the entire series Judith, Anodea, 1996, Eastern Body Western Mind, Celestial Arts, California. To help with becoming more aware you can request a Introductory Consolation or pick up a copy of "Develop the Mental Strength of a Warrior." I'd like to thank my coaching school, International Coaching Academy for their inspiration and assistance with this topic. To Your Inner Strength, COPYRIGHT © by Gregg Swanson
12 Ways to Be a 21st Century Visionary, Leader and Coach
COPYRIGHT © by Marcia Wieder 2009 Dream University® Part 1: Integrity, Uncertainty and Enlightenment I am honored to have recently been accepted into the prestigious Transformational Leadership Council. Among my peers and coaches, those who appear the most successful (and happiest) seem to be developing themselves inside and out. My last three years have been a period of soul searching, a time of creating and a time to dream. My ego developed patience while I learned to slow down and wait for guidance. In the empty space this revelatory and relevant message emerged. 1. A 21st Century Visionary practices integrity at a soul level. In order to achieve big dreams, we need to take risks. In order to take risks we need to trust ourselves. One thing that will deepen or erode our self trust is how we make and keep our agreements with ourselves and others. But at a soul level, a true visionary answers to a higher source. Are you living in integrity with your soul? Are you saying, "no thank you," to opportunities that are not aligned with your values? Are you exhibiting the courage to wait, and to act on faith, rather than jumping on any opportunity that makes you feel good, safe or secure? Clearly a healthy relationship between ego and soul is a powerful way to live. Is your ego in service to your soul or has your soul been hijacked by your ego? 2. A 21st Century Visionary is comfortable with uncertainty. In a state of uncertainly or not knowing, deeper wisdom and insight can often be garnered. A visionary knows we were "created to create" and allows the time and space for true creation to occur. It's nourishing and freeing to "not know". With a beginner's mind, we can think anew. With child-like curiosity, life can become more precious and amazing. My favorite quote on this is from Tony Robbins who said, "Your level of passion and aliveness is directly proportional to the amount of uncertainty you can comfortably live with." If your life has become routine or uninspired, I urge you to take time to enter new terrain, to boldly go where you have not gone before. It can be done simply, as you will see in my next point. 3. A 21st Century Visionary knows the secret to enlightenment is to relax. In my quest for experimenting with uncertainty, I searched for something that wouldn't engage my inner critic. I took up acrylic abstract painting where I could dabble and if I didn't like my work, could flip it over for a whole new perspective. That was freedom. I spent five days at a beach in California inspired by dancing dolphins where I painted ten works of art. I chose colors intuitively and sponged and squirted them on to canvas. I would lose my self-consciousness in the swirls and drips while I discovered a new part of myself....the creator within...the ultimate dreamer. I felt expansive and incredibly alive. Completing my last painting I had a simple thought. "I wonder what my friends will think of this." Suddenly, I became immobilized, afraid to choose the wrong color. With that single thought, my spirit shut down. It felt like a corridor of doors simultaneously slammed shut. The change was fast and so visceral, that it made me dizzy. I had to sit down to assess what had just occurred. I had been in a truly expanded state when my ego charged in causing me to contract into my familiar, small world of right and wrong. Could I get back to nirvana? I took a deep breath, inhaling and with a long exhale, my ego surrendered, returning me to my creative self. This concept is simple, yet profound. The secret to enlightenment is to relax. As we "let go" our ego releases its grip and we are left with our Divine essence, the truth of who we are. Suggested Action Step: Carve out DreamTime to reflect on who you are, what matters to you, and what is no longer true for you. What are you doing that no longer feeds your soul? Are you out of integrity with your mission or calling? What would you change or create to live in greater integrity with both your heart and soul? Part 2: Getting Empty, Faith and Wisdom Continuing the exploration of what it takes to open to greater possibility, creativity and bigger dreams, here is the next installment of the choice Expert series. In Part 1, we covered Integrity, Uncertainty and Enlightenment. 4. A 21st Century Visionary practices "getting empty" in order to hear the voice and/or feel the presence of the Divine. We can experience peace, joy and satisfaction when we consciously empty. Becoming empty allows for receptivity, great insight, even miracles. True creation is about creating something from nothing. But first, we need to stop...at least for a moment..or two. Big dreamers know that in order to discover or live "on purpose" we need a spiritual practice to access the deeper wisdom beneath our ego. Visionaries make space for the space and create simple rituals as a way to invite this in. Although we are proficient in thinking, fixing, and analyzing, when we stop, exhale and open, we allow for something greater than our ego mind to come through us. Don't underestimate the power of allowing space for the unknown. 5. A 21st Century Visionary often acts just on faith. Faith means many things to different people based on religion, context and beliefs. I've spent years exploring some of these distinctions and for me belief is what I hold to be true while faith is more about devotion and trust. I'm sure there have been times when you were challenged because faith was required even though believing was difficult, even impossible. Having faith is a critical step and a true visionary can act on just that. Visionaries move based on what's important to them without needing assurances or guarantees. With an intentional step, they demonstrate that they are more committed to their dream than to any doubt, fear or reality. And, with that step they are no longer just thinking or talking about their vision, they are in action on it. And most importantly, with that "leap of faith" resources show up as new perspectives become available. People respond differently to a dreamer in action. 6. A 21st Century Visionary can consciously drop into a deeper place of knowing and can ideate/dream and speak from this place. Through meditation or other disciplines we can access wisdom beyond the rational and logic aspects of our minds. Remember the adage, "Meditation is not what you think." True wisdom also comes from the neck down. For some it's in our heart, or belly or what you "stand for" or from the earth. There is a reason the throat lies between our head and heart. When we align our heart and mind we can tap into greater, unlimited resources. A visionary is able to not only articulate their idea with clarity so people understand it, but also able to feel and express it with passion so others are inspired by it. A 21st century visionary invites others to join them and since their inner world is congruent with their outer world, people sense their authenticity and trust them. Suggested Action Step: This week, practice getting quiet and receptive. If you have an issue that you are struggling with or need a creative idea, clearly state or write what you need. Then exhale, make space and allow the answer to come. It may come in a language other than words. You get extra credit if you act on the guidance you receive, whether you believe it or not. Part 3: Receptivity, Miracles and Being a Creator Continuing the exploration of what it takes to truly live as a visionary, especially during challenging and uncertain times, here is the next installment of the choice Expert series. In Part 1, we covered Integrity, Uncertainty and Enlightenment. In Part 2, we discussed Getting Empty, Faith and Wisdom. Here's Part 3. Receptivity, Miracles and Being a Creator 7. A 21st Century Visionary is receptive and knows that "give and take" is not the same as "give and receive." Big dreamers realize that giving and receiving are best done in balance. They practice restraint, allowing space for the space where true creation and original thought occur. Many of us are skilled at exerting our will and effort to make something happen, but the ability to pause, to be patient and receptive, allows for something else, something unexpected or even unknown. When we rush in to control a situation, we may feel empowered but when we allow life to naturally unfold, the outcome is often greater than we could ever imagine. There is such a thing as Divine Will and our ability to partner personal will with Divine Will is a higher state of consciousness. Receptivity and the ability to surrender allows for miracles to manifest. 8. A 21st Century Visionary is aware that miracles happen in their own time. Albert Einstein said, "There are only two ways to live your life, one is as though nothing is a miracle, and the other is as though everything is a miracle." Timing is a tricky element when it comes to manifesting. Visionaries are able to wait rather than quickly assert their agenda. They trust enough to relax and although they have strong intentions, even desires, they are able to hold these spaciously. Having appeared in Beyond the Secret, I am often asked about the Law of Attraction. Although I am not a proponent of "just waiting" for things to happen, trusting life to unfold in its own timing is a skill to master. As they say in the vineyards, "No wine before it's time." 9. A 21st Century Visionary knows that we were created to create. Do you live primarily as a problem solver or as a creative force? Visionaries understand that it is more powerful to move toward what you want than away from what you don't want. They also realize that both creation and destruction serve. True creation is about creating from nothing, not just fixing what's wrong or improving what's unpleasant. If you don't consider yourself a creator, try a few of these on: Do you in any way: generate, produce, invent, design, establish, originate, conceive craft, build, fashion, produce, initiate, establish, construct or destroy? Do you dream and act on your dreams? Perhaps it's challenging for us to think of ourselves as creators because if our lives aren't exactly the way we want, we can blame someone or something else. Taking responsibility for our lives can be a source of great freedom or a burden. You choose. I invite you to live as a visionary and explore what it means to live as a creator. Suggested Action Step: Take a little DreamTime to answer these questions. If you believed that you are the creator of your destiny, what would you change? What would you do more or less of? If you had the power to make the world a better place, what would you actually create? If time and money weren't issues, if you had the support of the people around you, if you knew you could not fail, what would you do today? Part 4: The Silent Witness, Collaboration and The Dream Movement In this four part series, I have shared 12 Ways to be a 21st Century Visionary. If you missed any of the segments, feel free to email info@dreamuniversity.com and I will send you a document that includes them all. To review, in Part 1, we covered Integrity, Uncertainty and Enlightenment. In Part 2, I discussed Getting Empty, Faith and Wisdom. In Part 3, I wrote about Receptivity, Miracles and Being a Creator. Here is the final segment. The Silent Witness, Collaboration and The Dream Movement 10. A 21st Century Visionary has a conscious relationship with the silent witness, the part of each of us that can see many points of view and new perspectives. The witness "within" is fair, has the ability to draw from all of life's experience and provide a more creative and unbiased and more expansive view. It is able to remain calm in the midst of chaos and support us in non-attachment. As a coach, you are able to hold a position of overview or non judgment for others. Developing this capacity in your self is a level of mastery. The ability to step back and separate from what is happening in a non-attached manner, allows us make decisions from a less reactive and more insightful place. Big dreamers tap their imagination to traverse new terrain. When doubt, fear or limitations attempt to hijack or sabotage their dreams, a visionary knows that there are other internal voices to turn to for encouragement, insight and fresh solutions. 11. A 21st Century Visionary knows when to be collaborative and when to be hierarchal. A collaborative approach is a strategic and systematic one that creates levels of accountability where ownership and alignment drive results. Collaborative teams standout because of their high levels of trust and commitment. When manifesting a dream or important project, visionaries know that collaboration allows for true ownership that hierarchal models often do not. They understand that big dreams cannot be completed alone and they have the courage and clarity to share these dreams and ideas to empower and enroll others. Big dreamers know that more can be accomplished, including having greater impact, when a team is committed. In a collaborative model everyone has input and each voice and vote counts. Although initially the process and planning may take a longer, the outcome is a more sustainable vision. 12. A 21st Century Visionary is crucial to the Dream Movement's ultimate dream, which is to make the world a more whole and abundant place. Visionaries understand that to achieve important dreams they must be willing to take risks. This ability comes from self-trust and is built by acting upon what's truly important. They don't compromise their dreams down to what they think is realistically possible but rather take a stand for what has meaning to them. They pump up their "Dreamer" muscles by imaging a world that works for everyone and by declaring that each of us plays a critical and sacred role in making the world a better place. They/we know that it's never been a more important time to Dream Big and purse those dreams. True visionaries recognize that with one single highly intentional step the world can and has changed. It is acting on our dreams that make them real. Suggested Action Step: Review the 12 points discussed and do a self-assessment. Assign a point system of 1-5 (with 5 being you embody this skill) to rate yourself in each area. Choose the qualities where you'd like to raise your score and design simple practices for becoming more effective. Put your attention on your Achilles heel to become even more of a 21st Century Visionary. COPYRIGHT © by Marcia Wieder 2009 Dream University® About our expert: Marcia Wieder, CEO/Founder of Dream University® - With twenty years coaching, training and speaking experience, Marcia is leading a Dream Movement. Author of 4 books, she is the personal Dream Coach to Jack Canfield, stars in Beyond the Secret with Bob Proctor and is a member of the Transformational Leadership Council with John Gray and Marianne Williamson. As past president of the National Association of Women Business Owners she was often in the White House. As a columnist for The San Francisco Chronicle, she urged readers to take "The Great Dream Challenge." Dream University® events include: Dream Coach Certification, Inspiring Speaker Workshop, and Create Your Future Now workshops.
The following information is used by permission from Keith Varnum: http://www.thedream.com/
Ride Your Soul Code to Abundance Are you happy, fulfilled, eager to leap out of bed every morning to greet a new day? Are you healthy, prosperous, peaceful? If you can't respond with a resounding "Yes!" to these questions, you might want to get in touch with your Soul Code. Do you ever ask, What's the point of my life? Where do I fit in? How can my life be easier and more fun? If you'd like answers to these questions, you might want to tune in to your Soul Code. What's the Payoff? What's the benefit of knowing your Soul Code? A lot. Everything. The whole enchilada. Answers. Satisfying answers. Answers that create a more fun and abundant life. Your Soul Wants You Happy The highest priority of your soul is to make you happy. To fulfill your freely chosen destiny. To give you all the exciting experiences you want to enjoy this lifetime. Often it's a challenge for the ego personality to believe that the soul is on its side. Most egos are experiencing life on Planet Earth as a bad dream, if not an outright nightmare! What is the Soul Code? We all come into this life with a unique "Soul Adventure" encrypted in a "Soul Code." Your Soul Code is your life design - your Original Vision, Birth Vision. It's your soul's Earth road map - your soul's blueprint for what you want to encounter and explore this lifetime. On the physical level, your Soul Code is your individual DNA code. Your DNA is a physical expression of your Soul Code - as distinctive as is each snowflake. Your Soul Code contains your longing to unfold a specific destiny. Answer Your Life's Calling The flow of our lives is intuitively guided by a Soul Agreement that our soul made before we were born. This freely made arrangement determines not only what kind of livelihood we pursue, but also the key relationships with the people who are here to help us have the specific adventures we desire this time around. Our Soul Blueprint determines the amount and ease of the money we make, the depth and duration of our love relations, and the ups and downs of our body's well-being. Our Soul Design also regulates when and how we connect to Spirit. To decipher your Soul Code is to reveal a long-hidden path to personal enlightenment and happiness. Your Soul Code is Unique Your Soul Code is special, one-of-a-kind. Like your fingerprint, your Soul Code is exclusive to you. It's an identification marker of the deepest kind. "It's the contour and content of the character of your soul. It's specific to you, and you alone. It's as individual as the handwriting of your name scrawled on a check. It's even more singular to you than your genes and chromosomes. It's the frequency of divine light refracted through the prism of your uniqueness," writes Kabbalist Marc Gafni. "It's the song only you can sing, the singular instrument of your destiny." Dance to Your Soul's Destiny We each have a personal contribution to make to humanity. Your specific life plan is woven into your vibration - the frequency of your being. Each person has a signature tone of consciousness that represents who they are. Your Soul Code is your individual musical tone of consciousness. It's your Original Song that you came here to sing, dance, write, paint or teach. Connect to Your Soul's Design And, like a fingerprint, your Soul Code leaves behind an individual mark on everyone it touches. Your Soul Code exists not only within, but also without - in how your soul impacts the world. The people and places graced by your presence are imprinted with your mark, with your essence. Everywhere you walk in the world, you leave behind the beautiful, valuable, matchless print of your soul. The Great Forgetting By our own design, since birth our personalities have been kept in the dark about who we really are and what our true nature and destiny are as humans. The most significant omission has been the truth of our natural spiritual wisdom and power. The Aborigines of Australia call this collective loss of soul memory "The Great Forgetting." Why Collective Amnesia? Why is our own Soul Design a mystery to our personality? Why did we choose to forget who we really are and what we're here to do? Why did we encrypt our true nature in a code? The Soul's Strategy The soul's plan is to safeguard the purity of our spirit until our personality develops the wisdom, power and compassion to share our inner gifts in a mutual and nurturing way. In our youth, we don't usually possess the qualities necessary to share our unique gifts in the most supportive way - for ourselves and for humanity. So, we encrypt in code our true destiny to preserve its purity until we're able to express our personal talents harmoniously. In this way the innocence and goodness of our Inner Child - our unique essence - is kept alive. And our Destiny Seed is protected from being corrupted by the fears and limitations of ego personality and cultural programming. Let the Sleeper Awaken! Written into our Soul Code is the directive to awaken when we have cultivated: 1. The clarity to know when, where and with whom to share our gifts 2. The personal power and social freedom of an autonomous, self-governing adult 3. The self-love to empathize fully with others. Crack the Code! When we possess this necessary awareness, mastery and heartfulness, we naturally crack the code. The veils of forgetfulness lift. By divine orchestration, we gradually awaken to who we are and what we're here to do. Our divine mission becomes apparent to us - even obvious! The process is elegant, impeccable and fail-safe. We simply don't awaken until we are ready and able to play in the world safely - that is, lovingly. Celebrate Your Unique Gifts Our natural skills - and the knowing of how to use them - are alive within each person, encoded within each person's deepest core. There is within each person a built - in yearning of the ages to bring forth the wisdom that lies dormant within, and to use personal passion and purpose to co-create a more nurturing, sustainable world. Happiness lies in the fulfillment of our Soul Code, our Original Agreement. The Spirit of a volcano in Costa Rica once told me that "The main purpose of every soul is to have its unique essence-song, message-received by others on Earth." Take Flight The sooner you allow your song to be heard, the sooner your dream will unfold - the sooner you will find love, health, and abundance. COPYRIGHT © by Keith Varnum Drawing from the wisdom of native cultures and ancient spiritual traditions, Keith Varnum shares his practical approach to healing and transformation as a Certified Matrix Energetics Practitioner, life strategy coach, author, acupuncturist, filmmaker, radio host, vision quest guide and international seminar leader with his free, fun Prosperity Ezine, free Empowerment CD and free Coaching at www.TheDream.com
The following information is used by permission from Gregg Swanson: http://www.warriormindcoach.com/
Respect vs. Invalidation - Part I "Respecting ourselves enhances our life and in turn, the life of the people we care about" I'd like to give my heartfelt thanks again to my coaching school, International Coaching Academy, for their inspiration and support with this subject. How Do We Treat Ourselves And Others This is how Merriam Webster Dictionary defines the word RESPECT: "to consider deserving of high regard; to refrain from interfering with." Webster also defines the word INVALIDATE as: "to weaken or make valueless." We have the choice to respect or invalidate people, objects and events in our life, including ourselves. Consider your experience when others respect you: They probably consider you in high regard, or perhaps they refrain from interfering with you. Now consider your experience when others invalidate you. They probably weaken you, or perhaps they make you feel valueless. To respect someone or something is a real gift in life and a powerful way to relate to the world around us. It's also a very natural way for human beings to relate when they are free and clear. What gets in the way of freedom ...Judgments. When we discern our judgments we can choose how to respond to someone or a situation. We can decide to either respect or invalidate. Contemplation " What are some judgments you have that invalidate others and perhaps yourself? " Please take out some paper and write down you answers. Techniques for creating respect: Standards! Standards are levels of behavior we choose for ourselves. They are tools we use to respect ourselves and others. You already have a set of standards. They hold us responsible to behave in a set way towards others. Standards are based on experience, education and reason. Here are some examples of standards we can practice in our lives: " Be always on time " Be personally organized " Acknowledge, or say "thank you" via notes, telephone calls, or in person " Exercise every day " Drink water every day " Do not gossip " Fulfill business commitments " Fulfill personal commitments " Eat healthy nutritional foods " Practice excellent personal management " Be trustworthy " Practice honesty " Do fun work " Value friends, family and self " Express loyalty to family, friends and clients " Don't cheat on your partner " Be a parent who listens and loves " Constantly explore new areas to develop spirituality and creativity " Pay bills on time Consideration and Application " Look into different areas of your life, and list ten standards by which you already hold yourself responsible to behave. " Now write down on a piece of paper three standards you would like to live by. Choose one to put into practice this week. At the end of the week, write your experience next to the standard on the piece of paper Personal Boundaries Define your personal boundaries. Let others know exactly what you will and will not tolerate and why. If they know your limits, more likely they will not try to test them. We have to teach people how to treat us. How they treat us comes from how we respect ourselves. We need to create strong boundaries so that we can communicate to other people clearly. Either by our actions or words, we let others know what appropriate behavior in our presence is. Some examples of boundaries are: not allowing others to hit us; not allowing others to touch us inappropriately; not allowing others to use abusive or strong language around us; and not allowing racial jokes to be told in front of us. For personal boundaries to work, we must first be clear on what our limits are and then communicate them clearly to others. Don't just assume others will know what these are because they won't. Once you are clear about your limitations, you will have to do less explaining time and again. If you are clear, chances are that people will see it through your behavior and words directly. The expression, "Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me," refers to weak boundaries. If someone does something to you and you don't like it, it is up to you to communicate this to them. Tell them what it is you don't like and what they need to do differently. If their behavior doesn't change, it is up to you to remove yourself from the situation. On the other hand, if a behavior is in some way threatening to you, or harmful to your loved ones, report them to the proper authorities. Get help. You don't have to allow people to treat you in a way that is unacceptable. Boundaries are about what others cannot do to you or to your surroundings. Contemplation " Where in your life do you think you need to strengthen your boundaries? " Please take out some paper and write down you answers. When you start strengthening your boundaries, some people in your life may remove themselves out of your life. This may be difficult at first, but overtime, you will notice new people coming into your life who will be willing to treat you well. They will stay within your boundaries and they will also show you a great level of respect. Note: This subject matter isn't about others treating you in a way that you are not willing to treat others. Respect mirrors respect. You must be willing to respect other people's boundaries; as well as be willing to honor them in a way you want others to honor you. Boundaries are not something to beat others up with until they understand. They exist to protect one from harm, unpleasant moments and avoid situations that may not be suitable to a person emotionally. They are set up to show respect towards yourself and others. Take a stand, and if you think you can't, learn to take one. Get help. If someone is annoying you, stand up for yourself. This way, others will know your boundaries and learn to respect them. Make a List: Make a list of your personal boundaries: What are they? Write them on a piece of paper. Method to invalidate someone: "Hosing" When you suggest going to the park, and someone says, "Don't be stupid, it's freezing," you have just been 'Hosed' down. When someone says they are going to write a new book, and you say, "Right, just like all the other books you were going to write!" You have pulled out your hose and given them a big splash of opinions! Hosing can be anything negative you say to someone. It is a way in which we invalidate an idea, a thing, a place, ourselves, and people. Think about the following questions: What are some examples of ways in which people show respect for themselves? For others? How are these different? What are examples of ways in which people invalidate themselves? How do they invalidate others? How are these different, if any? Reflection and Application " In the past week, what are three ways in which you have demonstrated respect for yourself? " What about respect for others? " In the past week, describe three ways in which you have invalidated yourself. Pinpoint your underlying judgments in each of these. " In the next three days, recognize three ways you invalidate others, and turn it into respect. " In the following four days, recognize three ways you disrespect yourself, and turn it into respect. (For example, change eating habits from junk food to healthy foods.) " Describe how you did it and how it made you feel at the time. Post your response to number 5, on the discussion board under the topic Respect vs. Invalidation. How a coach shows respect for their client For a good coach, it is important to show respect to their clients all the time. This creates a safe environment for the client. It also serves as a model of respect for the client to follow in their own life. The following are ways in which a good coach can demonstrate respect for their client: " Be ready, review any notes from the last session before the call or session. " Be on time and available at the designated time of the session. " Actively listen to both what is being said and what is not being said. " Stay focused and keep the client on track. " Acknowledge both what did and didn't get done during the session. " Really listen to what the client is saying (and not saying) and repeat it back if there is any doubt in your mind. " If something unavoidable comes up and you cannot meet the coaching call, initiate the call to change times. " Be actively ready to coach. " Be in the present moment. " Avoid judgment. " Acknowledge the client for what he or she has accomplished, even if it is less than what the client committed to do. " Coach from where the client is at, not from where you are at. " Listen to what they really want to do. " Help the client find their own answers and actions to reach their goals. " Display sensitive honesty. " Make the coaching sessions enjoyable. " Think about clients in between sessions and work out how to best coach them all. " Do care about clients and feel passionate about wanting to see them succeed. " Never tell anyone who you are coaching without their permission. " Listen with love and respect to their commitments, desires and needs. " Assist them in clarifying their goals so that they know what they want. " Acknowledge who they are as a unique individual. " Never make them wrong or judge them in any way. " Listen to and move with the client at their own pace. " Acknowledge challenge as a move into action. " Help clients define success in their own terms. As a professional coach I am committed to respecting my clients and their current perspective of reality. As a mental strength coach I am committed in challenging my clients to move out of their comfort zone, increase their personal empowerment and create better results that reflect their increase in personal performance. Respect vs. Invalidation - Part II In Part I of Respect vs. Invalidation we talked about how we treat ourselves and others, techniques for creating respect and personal boundaries. I'd continue today with this comparison of respect vs. invalidation. Again, I'd like to give my heartfelt thanks again to my coaching school, International Coaching Academy, for their inspiration and support with this subject. Do you really love who you are? What your answer is to this question will depend on whether you have respect. Respect is one of those interesting words that has been used in a range of ways. We begin to understand it when we are children and our parents refer to actions that we have carried out that demonstrate we don't or do respect them. It is usually in the negative. Respect is usually used to refer to whether we have respect for someone. It is rarely used to refer to self respect. We have come to understand that respect is about how we feel about a person. If we respect them then we honor who they are. There is a belief that you must respect your parents no matter what. You must respect your elders, you must respect your manager, and you must respect people in authority. At times we may struggle with showing respect to any one of these people as their actions have not gained our respect, yet we are to 'pretend' to respect them out of respect. This kind of message, which we teach to young children, is pretty disturbing. It is filled with mixed messages. On one hand, respect these people even if they don't deserve it. On the other hand, what you know as not to be right, ignore that too as their role in life is outside of the rules that you must follow. These kinds of beliefs stick with us. We have all watched movies where the bad guy is the one that the whole community upholds as perfect and warranting of everyone's respect. It is only slowly over time that their actions start to be questioned and finally someone who is 'brave enough' speaks out. This person is usually ridiculed and isolated from the community. If the movie follows the theme of good vs. bad as most do, then over time the bad guy will be found out and the good person who spoke out will be acknowledged. As we know in life this can sometimes never happen. Most of our training, in understanding respect, is built around how we respect others. We will have developped very specific values around respect, all taught to us at a very young age. As we moved through the education system we were taught about respecting our teachers and the system itself. We were taught all about respecting our parents and certain people in the community. Sometime we were even taught who not to respect. All of the beliefs you were taught about respect were based on the judgment of someone else. If someone respected a particular person or action then they would tell you this is respect. Respect is a value that can be measured and defined in many different ways. It fundamentally comes down to the type of beliefs a person holds. A Closer Look at Respect Respect is being considerate toward somebody, showing consideration for someone, valuing someone, holding someone in high regard or esteem, having admiration for someone or something. You can see with this picture of respect two things or maybe many things. But let's look at two things. The first is that the use of the word respect is related to a person. The second is that every single act of demonstrating respect is subjective and will depend on your values as to how you model it. Self Application So check in with yourself. What does your picture of respect look like? 'Draw' it now. In the dictionary, respect is also referred to in relation to someone or something. As part of our earlier training we are taught to look out for signs of respect in others. We learn to gauge respect through our observations. It is like we develop a long list of the actions that demonstrate respect and those that don't. However this long list is built around our judgments of what we have been led to believe is respect. Respectful actions are measured through the eyes of the judge. What ever your judgment, then respect will or will not be given. Respect and judgment are so entwined that you can't separate them. What may be a sign of respect for you may not be for the person closest to you. The judgment we then hold is that our sign of respect is the correct way of measuring it. Another judgment. And so the judgments continue. With judgment being part of respect, it means that we need to really understand what judgments we make regarding respect. This is a challenging exercise to do as the two are so entwined. But to really see how we measure respect then it must be done. Observation of how you feel or show respect will greatly help you to understand how you judge and measure respect. It is now time to think and feel about respect in a whole new way. Respect is not an outward judgment of someone; respect is an inward feeling about yourself. Respect is how you judge yourself. Respect is about how much you like who you are - inward feelings not outward observations of others. However there is a connection between inward and outward actions. How you respect yourself will be identical to how you respect others. How much self respect you have will match how much respect you have for others. Inward Respect = Outward Respect When we judge others, we judge ourselves. What we find respectful in others, we find respectful in ourselves. What we find disrespectful in others we find disrespectful in ourselves. The way you judge yourself and the harshness of it will reflect directly on how harshly you judge respect in others. Outer Judgment = Inner Judgment So let's move into a whole new way of seeing respect. First let go of all negative judgment - it is damaging and harmful to yourself. Now go back to your picture of respect. Above we had words like consideration, esteem, value, and admiration. Describe how you would go about creating a world where you spent time each day creating these feelings within yourself....moments in your day where you felt valued, admired, and considerate, all towards yourself. Not outward, asking people to consider you or value you or admire you but asking this of yourself. As part of your picture write or draw beside it what activities you can do in your day to bring about a feeling of esteem and consideration for yourself. List as many as you like. As you go through this process, observe for a moment how you are feeling. You will have shifted away from thinking about how you judge respect in others - a negative energy process, to how to make yourself feel wonderful - a very positive energy process. This is a very important key to going forward. Each time you feel yourself slipping into judgment then go back to your list of how to make yourself feel valued and admired. Focus on doing something that will fill you with high regard for yourself. Negatively judging others is a sign of your need to build your self respect. Discounting and holding negative judgments of others is invalidating yourself. Remember how you judge others is how you judge yourself. Think about the literal concept of a judge and a jury. They sit weighing up the facts to decide if a person is guilty or innocent, if they have broken a law or not. This is the same way that we judge others and ourselves. We decide if the other person or indeed ourselves is guilty or not. Invalidation is the process of negating any acts of self respect. If you have a passport or drivers license or ID card and it expires, it becomes invalid. It is basically worthless. You can cut it up and throw it away. This is something we are very familiar with and have no problems doing. However we apply this notion sometimes to ourselves or to others. We determine that someone has no use and so we deem them as invalid. Therefore we invalidate them. We understand when its time to throw away and invalid document but why would we do this to ourselves or someone else. We decide that we have no value and so we invalidate ourselves. The greatest gift you have is you. The purpose of life is to be with people. As humans we need to engage and be with other human beings. This is a function of us. So why would we deem a person as worthless, including ourselves? The first step to determining if someone else is worthless is to decide we are worthless. If we value ourselves we value others. It really is that simple. To invalidate ourselves is to talk openly of our worthlessness. We use language that devalues ourselves. The very act of deeming someone invalid is in itself invalidating ourselves. If we see ourselves as worthy then we see everyone as worthy. If we value who we are, we value others. We invalidate ourselves by the language we use when we talk about ourselves. We invalidate ourselves by the actions we take. We invalidate ourselves by the decisions we make. Others cannot invalidate us. It is our choice as to whether we allow others to invalidate us. If your self respect is low then you may be more vulnerable to accepting an invalidating comment or action. Building a reserve of self respect is how we live a healthy positive life. Tiredness, stress, and anxiety eat into our reserves of self respect. We need to keep our levels of self respect very, very high. Imagine if every day you woke up and created an intent for yourself where everything you did was with the aim of building high self regard. Every time you made a decision you considered this intent first. Imagine the result of your decision. Invalidating ourselves is when we don't place our need to build our self respect first in a decision making process. So we can either choose to respect ourselves or invalidate ourselves. It is our choice, no one else's. Low self regard is not bought upon us by what others think of us but by what we think of ourselves. Respect is not something to be gained from others it is something to be gained by ourselves. The moment that we recognize that respect is our responsibility is the moment we stop asking people around us to respect us more. Our very actions will show we have a high regard or respect for ourselves. Invalidating ourselves is when we demand respect from others. We may live in a world of denial and believe that we can earn respect in this way but we are only invalidating ourselves if we do this. The choice is yours. Create huge amounts of self respect and then be able to respect others or invalidate yourself and deny yourself of respect and judge others. Contemplation What do you respect about yourself? What are the behaviors you demonstrate when you are not feeling self respect? Where do you want to build respect for yourself and what is the plan you will create to do this? Coaching Application Validation is a similar concept to Acknowledgment and is very much related to the present. Sometimes the most valuable thing we can give our clients is confirmation that they are doing the right thing, or at least, are on the right track. Uncertainty and change can be scary at times. We are conditioned as human beings to believe there is one right choice or course of action to take when there are, in fact, any numbers of positive options. When I'm validating a client, I'm letting them know I support them in the action they are going to take, as well as in the actions they are currently taking. Support here helps to clear out doubt and disbelief they may have in themselves. For many of my clients I have been the only support person they have. I know the importance of great supports. We've all heard over and over the many stories of great people who got to feel great because at some stage on their journey someone believed in them. I like to work with my clients to help them grow a list of people who can support them. They may have to start at the beginning as they may find that some of the people in their life actually don't support them but rather reinforce their invalidation. As I continue to work with clients, I carefully listen to the language they use. I write down comments they make and then read them back to them. I ask them if they heard themselves say this. I ask then what was their belief about themselves when they said this? I work with my clients to help them paint a picture of what personal respect would look like for them. It is always a wonderful opportunity when I ask my clients to describe a person they really respect. Then ask them to outline the behaviors of this person so they can see how they model self respect. What we admire in others is what we value for ourselves. I enjoy exploring with my clients the actions they demonstrate on a daily basis. I ask them to keep a journal observing how they show themselves self respect on a daily basis. There are many ways I work with clients on the area of self respect. But none of these will work unless the client wants to have self respect and is able to understand the impact of self respect on their life. So now...let me ask you... " How do you model self respect to others? " What are some questions you could ask yourself if you are uncertain about your self respect? " What are some behaviors that would reinforce self respect and invalidation? I go over some of this topic a bit more in my e-book "How to Develop the Mental Strength of a Warrior." COPYRIGHT © by Gregg Swanson
The following information is used by permission from Gregg Swanson: http://www.warriormindcoach.com/
Responding vs. Reacting I'd like to express my appreciation to my coaching school, International Coaching Academy, for their inspiration on this topic. "The wounds of our childhood heal slowly. If we allow them to lead us, we create new ones for ourselves and others." What's the difference between responding and reacting? = About 10 seconds Focus 1: Which Action to Choose Our relationship with the world around us whether it be other people, things, or events, and our experience of life - is determined by the way in which we relate to it. Hence, it is our relationship with each one that truly determines what kind of life we have, lead and experience. This means the foundation of perception is projection. When people around us do or say something that involves us - directly or indirectly - we either RESPOND or REACT and there are consequences to each course of action. The same goes for when an event occurs in our life. We either respond or react to it. For example, if someone bumps you constantly on the bus, you might find yourself feeling annoyed. You might be getting hooked into something while your feelings are coming out to the surface and you might even snap at the person. When this happens, there is a reaction to the situation. However, if you noticed those feelings of annoyance and frustration while thinking to yourself: "What can I do about this?," and chose any number of Responsible actions, such as moving to a less crowded area, then the action is of Response. The action of responding becomes an act of freedom and consequently has power within it. Response creates an opportunity and is in alignment with your commitments. It is also, by definition, an action of responsibility... which basically involves the ability to respond with a sense of consciousness, duty and trustworthiness. The action of reacting, however, comes from somewhere in the past, and is powerless. It is powerless because the response is sometimes devoid of "a worthy and conscious action." It is based on resistance or opposition without much thought. Reaction can often perpetuate a problem, or enlarge a complaint, and can even tear down, rather than build up a relationship. At any given point in our lives, we are always in one form of action: either a Response or a Reaction. Thoughts to Ponder: Answer the following questions, perhaps in the comment section or on a piece of paper. " What are some common "reactions" you see in people or situations around you? " What are some of the likely consequences of each of these? " What "responses" have you noticed lately that were beneficial? Commitments vs. Judgments and UAC's (Underlying Automatic Commitments) Reaction comes from Underlying Automatic Commitments (UAC's - beliefs) or Judgments. Response is a choice, and comes from personal empowerment, and a chosen commitment or perspective. An effective way to turn our reactions into responses is to discern our judgments behind them. Once you have clearly detected the judgment, you can choose to let the feeling and belief go, and instead, create a response. Practice: Exercise: Below is a list of events that can happen in life. Give an example of what a response or reaction might be for each case scenario. Also, what would be the implicit UAC and underlying judgment, in the case of a reaction. Event Response Reaction Judgment Possible UAC Picnic is rained out Best friend wrecks car Lose your job Computer crashes Focus 2: Detect, Label, Let Go and Respond First of all, become aware of where you are "being trapped" or Hooked In to something or someone. Some clues that may help you find out if you are reacting and being Hooked In include: Not listening to what is being said; feeling of anger, annoyance, frustration, becoming defensive, giving back quick answers without thinking about them, or clearly understanding what you are saying. It is very helpful to detect, or be aware of what is happening. One way to be able to detect it, is to say to yourself: "I am being Hooked In to something right now, and I'm not sure what it is." Or, "I'm feeling angry and frustrated at what just happened." Ultimately you might come right down to the Truth of the matter: "I felt powerless in that situation and feel I need to get some control. I'm reacting to this situation. What must I do to change it for the better?" When faced with this situation, you can go even further to find the underlying judgment that is 'making' you react rather than "act." When you say: "I'm not a strong or worthy person, and this is proving it!" - you know you are hearing a reaction. But most of all, you are hearing how people view themselves. This judgment is the UAC you want to detect. Once you have detected what the "entrapment" is, you can make a choice to either let it go or not. For instance, when you let go of something you may think along these lines: "I'm going to let that feeling of powerlessness go right now; at the very least, I'm not going to choose my actions from this feeling." But if you decide not to let go, then you may think: "I'm very angry right now and I'm not going to change this attitude." In each case scenario, there are certain consequences to be faced. Certainly, to decide "to let go" is perhaps the easier path in life. Life tends to get better and better the more we follow this path. Suppose you've noticed what the 'hook in' is and decide to label it for what it is. You've gotten to the truth of the matter, and labeled the judgment. What do you do now? Ask yourself, what are you committed to? Another way to look at it is by asking, "What new perspective would you like to shift into right now?" Example: One hour before the taxi cab arrived to take Jan and Brad to the airport on vacation, Jan told him that the relationship wasn't going to work out. She still felt jealous about his friendships and couldn't deal with it. Brad had heard this "talk" several times before and was about to respond with a cutting comment, "Maybe you're right. I'm sick of this." But noticing the negative comment which was about to come out, he stopped himself. Instead, he thought, "What's going on here?" Suddenly, Brad realized he was scared of losing Jan. He was getting 'enthused in her doubt', and an old fear of abandonment started to surface. Realizing this, he was able to let go of that emotion. Searching quickly for guidance, he recalled he had promised to commit to Jan. They had talked about spending the rest of their lives together and working out any issue that may come up. Decidedly, he said, "I'm your partner for life. I'm happy to talk this through with you, and do whatever you need from me. If you'll trust me to work through this with you, let's finish packing, get on the plane, and talk." Afterwards, Brad and Jan had a great weekend away and ended up discussing marriage and family! Questions to Consider Answer the following questions either in the comments below, or on a piece of paper. " Who do you know who responds to people and their surroundings? " What do you think of them? " Who do you know who reacts to people and their surroundings? " What do you think of them? " Distinguish the difference between responding and reacting and give an example of each. Think about it: Label, Let Go, Respond Focus 3: When to Pull Out The Big Guns While it is possible that great coaching can produce a shift in thought, sometimes even the best coaching will not be enough. A person may not be able to fully see the underlying situation. Or they may become fully aware, but not willing to let it go. If this is the case, then this may be one of those situations for other processes like NLP, Timeline Empowerment® or hypnosis. Expression and Feelings Try not to ignore your feelings. Instead become aware of them. Sometimes feelings come back again and again until you learn a lesson, or until they are released. There is something to be learned from when feelings keep emerging. They are coming up for a reason, for you to see them and deal with it. The negative consequence for ignoring your feelings, can lead to stress, sometimes sickness, or even disease. You should identify and label feelings accordingly. The difference is you don't need to act from them. Often when feelings are identified, surprisingly they disintegrate. Therefore, it is possible to have a sense of control over them. But it is important to detect them and choose how to handle each feeling. It's helpful to express feelings, without having to react. Here is an example of a way to control an emotion: "I just realized I've been feeling defensive and taking your suggestions as criticism. I'm going to let that go now, and hear them as a contribution. I'm willing to listen." Holding on to an emotion may sound like this: "I'm feeling sad that you said that. It's my issue anyway, nothing for you to worry about. I want to be left alone to explore this now." Another example: "I'm feeling angry because you're late again. I love you and am not leaving, but I really want to let this out right now. Can you hear me?" In this case, there is a responsible sense of communication which includes the agreement to vent to the person who is listening. There is no blame label here even though there is an angry emotion being expressed. Both parties are clear that they are not to be blamed. Reflection " List the last time you repeatedly reacted to something. If you can't find a specific instance, pick an example of a situation where you typically get angry. " Identify the honest Truth about the situation. Detect the real feeling behind what is actually going on here. " What is the underlying belief causing this reaction? " Create a new Perspective or Commitment for yourself. " What is a response you could choose next time this happens? " Identify three situations where there is the possibility of a reaction. Instead, respond by using the "Detect, Label, Let Go and Respond" sequence from above. " Notice some people reacting. See if you can label what is really going on for them. Hint: Ask yourself: How are they feeling? " What freedom have you have gained in your own life from using this model... COPYRIGHT © by Gregg Swanson
The following information is used by permission from Gregg Swanson: http://www.warriormindcoach.com/
Trust vs. Doubt (Part I) A person cannot be conquered from the outside unless they are defeated from the inside I'd like to thank my coaching school, International Coaching Academy, for the help and inspiration on this topic. "If all results are perfect, then it's very difficult to make a mistake." What it's like to live with trust or doubt? Living with a feeling of trust gives one a sense of confidence and security that brings freedom to our life. It feels good, safe and liberating. People who come from a perspective of trust come from a place of personal empowerment. They have the mental strength to take action and get the results they desire; they generally have excellence in their personal performance. Living with a feeling of doubt, however, gives one a very different sense in life; and can be very disempowering. It can bring fear, insecurities and even cloud our thinking. The good news is that doubt is not actually necessary in life, but trust is in order for us to live a healthy life. (Ironically though, when living in trust, results are not actually necessary!) Ultimately, it is our choice: we can bring about feelings of doubt or trust at any moment in our life. It all depends on our decision. In this series of posts you will learn that you have access to trust at any given moment, despite any obstacles you may face. The Source of Doubt Doubt is produced by our judgments. If we believe there is a right way to behave, we will be concerned about behaving in the wrong way. If we believe certain things are good, we will be concerned about the bad and even about losing what is good. Our way of thinking and how we judge someone or something, has an effect on how we perceive the world, people and ourselves. Some forms of judgments can have us doubt our decisions. For example, we may doubt we are in the right job, or doubt that things will "work out" for us after all. It is only possible to live like this if we entertain certain kinds of judgments. For instance, "It is only when I judge that living with no money is bad that I will worry about not making enough money." It starts with judging that something is not perfect, which will end up having an effect in our life. It will affect the way we think, feel, and respond to others and even ourselves. In the above example, when we judge, or believe, that having no money is wrong, it is this perspective in mind that will make us believe that we will not have an abundance of money and make us feel worried. We will be in a state of mind to feel doubt or concern. On the other hand, if we were able to give up our judgment "that having no money is wrong," (which would bring about a disastrous experience) and instead, create a new perspective, the results could be different. For example, if we took a new look such as "having no money could be just right for us, right now," then we could allow ourselves to enter the world of trust. By doing so, we can open up our thinking to possibilities which we have never thought before. By claiming trust in our life we can bring about results and take a better, freeing attitude towards challenges. To trust means to liberate you from limitations. It opens your mind to see possibilities; it helps you to get "out of the limitation" and perceive solutions. Trust even allows you to feel safer, confident, hopeful, and freer in life. Contemplation I 1. Take out a piece a paper wand write the following questions and answers on it. 2. Describe two issues in your life right now that are a problem. (For example, you live next to a noisy neighbor, there is lack of funds or there is an annoying colleague.) 3. Add to this list one area of your life where you have a concern. 4. What is the underlying judgment that makes each of these a problem and a concern? The Key to Trust: Perfection Who are you to judge that something is actually imperfect? Where did you get that idea or perspective from? Was it from someone "who told you so" or the way you were taught to think? We live and think like there is a good and bad side to everything. We believe in a reality which has everything defined as "true or false." We live life as if we were "programmed" to think much like a computer is programmed to compute information. We live "conditioned" to think right from wrong and wrong from right. We are sometimes so inundated with unclear thinking of what is right, or wrong, that we live in constant doubt. This doubt can make us become fearful to the point of making us think that we will end up on the "wrong" side of things instead of the "right." Can life be any better than this? Sure it can! We just need to think better! How to realize: Perfection It may be a stretch for you to think that something you have hated or feared your entire life could actually be seen in a different way. If we invert things we get the opposite. For example, the opposite of hatred is love. The opposite of fear is clarity. Within that hatred can we perceive love? How about loving more to break the hatred? If there is fear, can we define the fear so we can clearly reason it out? The way to perceive a perfect life is to allow yourself to reach a new perspective in life. It is to allow ourselves the opportunity to think better; to see life as something potentially perfect. When we demand from ourselves to see perfection, we allow our vision to open up so we can get the results we are really aiming for in life. Therefore, one technique that can help you is to look for the possible advantages found in whatever you feel is imperfect. Ask yourself: What good do you think can come out from this experience? What lessons can we learn from such an experience? The Antagonist Another great way to see perfection is to appreciate the Antagonist. Take a look at this list of circumstances which has the potential to antagonize our life: " Losing our job " Failing an exam " Breaking up a relationship " A loss in the family " Being too short " Being too fat or too tall " Not being smart enough " Having a big nose " Feeling lonely. Let's add to this " An annoying roommate " An arrogant boss " An ineffective assistant " A colleague who doesn't want to speak to us It is very easy to see these circumstances as bad things, wrong happenings, or imperfections. This is a wonderful breeding ground for doubt. Now, consider this perspective: All these things are the Antagonists in our life. They are there to try and interfere with the good in our life. They are there to provoke us, move us, and challenge us. But opposite from what it may seem, the Antagonist is always the catalyst for change and further growth. If we did not have Antagonists in our life; if everything was planned and happened as we wished, we would probably ask what is wrong here since we are used to thinking by contrast: right and wrong. Moreover, if there is emptiness in our life, we may turn to drugs to make things become "alive," or "cause something to happen." Unfortunately, some people do take drugs, alcohol or even food to cope with challenges, rather than face them, instead of turning the challenges around to bring about solutions. Why do you think we would prefer to rent a new video rather than watch the one we saw last week? Why is it better to face our challenges than let them remain? Playing the Antagonist is an opportunity for growth. This makes the Antagonist become "perfect." When we are able to see everything as perfect we can relax, feel confident, assured, and clear and trust for a better life! Contemplation II For each of the three problems you listed in the "Contemplation I" above, list advantages for having these issues in your life right now. Really shift your perceptive and come to the point of seeing that each of these problems are actually perfect in your life, right now. 1. Can you see what the advantages are? 2. List three Antagonists from your past. (Any circumstances or people who seemed like a problem or burden?) How did each Antagonist help you grow further? Did any "encourage" you to take a new decision or change direction? 3. Acknowledge one of these Antagonists for their contribution to your growth. If the Antagonist was a person, you may want to call or send them a letter. After you have experienced this yourself I invite you to share this with a friend. Start with a major concern they have today and see if you can help them move from a feeling of concern and doubt to trust. Trust vs. Doubt (Part II) In Part I of "Trust vs. Doubt" we discussed: " The Source of Doubt " The Key too Trust: Perfection " How to Realize Perfection " The Antagonist Now we're going to go a little deeper... Again I'd like to thank my coaching school, International Coaching Academy, for help and inspiration on this subject. Perfection vs. Problem Have you ever had a situation that looked like a disaster, but in the end, turned out to be very positive? In fact, one might even say Perfect? The concept of human perfection and problem is an illusion. Neither is real but an illusion because both don't stand the truth of time: They don't last forever but are temporary elements of how we simply look at things. Since they are illusions they are not truth but rather concepts with which we choose to perceive our life. Both play a key role in our perspectives. And it takes mental strength to work with our perspective! You probably know people who normally live with a perspective of a problem, and if you are fortunate, you will get to know people who live with a perspective of perfection. Life tends to be easier on this side of the "coin." If you had a choice between living your entire life in Perfection, versus your entire life in Problem, which would you choose? The answer may seem obvious, and depending on your personal development journey, when you dig deeper it just might not be. Viewing Perfection as Perfect "The world either is perfect or it isn't; it all depends on your own perspective." To understand that everything is just the way it is supposed to be - and that it is perfect - is a difficult concept to grasp at first and it does take an element of mental strength. However, if we begin to realize that our lives are a combination of every choice we have ever made - and in that respect we have created our lives to be just the way they are - we begin to see the perfection in it. At some level, if we didn't want the way we are living...we would change it. Since we aren't changing it, it must be perfect. Even then, when we do begin to change our life, we are transforming from one perfect situation to another one...this takes a warrior mindset to comprehend. We are also in this existence of life to learn certain lessons, and every experience we go through, teaches us a lesson, this is the way of the warrior. We can see that life is perfect because we are learning what we need to at any given time. Life itself brings about the perfection in us all. Is this true: Life is perfect? No. Nor is it true that it is sad, wrong, or dramatic. Our perception makes it so. We interpret events depending on how we wish to do so. What would your life be like if you decided to look for the Perfection in everything, and everyone, instead of finding problems or lack? How would your personal performance improve? The Paradox of Wanting a Coach We live in a problem-oriented society. Marketing is based on this. It's all about fixing problems. Finding solutions to problems. In general, the media seems to report about 85 percent of problems and drama in the world and only 15 percent of good news. Problems are interesting: we learn from them, get energized when focusing and tackling them; we complain, or become surprised by them; and we try to change, solve them, and sometimes cry over them. Indeed, many people gravitate towards coaching to fix a problem. Unfortunately, people sometimes wait too long to fix a problem. They wait until life becomes so bad, difficult and painful that they decide to finally get motivated to improve upon it. Why wait when it can be done now? Here are some advantages in seeing that the perfection of life is perfect instead of trying to fix it: " It takes the pressure off " It can make it more fun " It can lead to a much deeper issue or situation " You will enjoy and appreciate life more " It can save time. (There may really not be anything to fix but just a shift in perspective is all that is needed.) Remember, if a coach finds him/herself agreeing with you that you indeed have "problems"; and then focuses on what you are missing (instead on what you have), this does not help you move forward. Look towards the goal, the perfect goal and reach it through coaching! Becoming Practical How does one move from problem into perfection? Here are some questions to help create a shift in perspective: Take a step back for a moment...What advantages can you see around this situation? Is there someone you know who is really positive? What are some advantages they might see in this particular situation? "What is the lesson to be learned from this?" Our mind is very clever at creating situations. If your subconscious created this situation, why might it have done it? What's a possible pay-off here? What in this situation can you be grateful for? Contemplation Exercises 1. Find the Perfection in 10 things. Use the above questions on yourself to help you move forward. If you have difficulties in doing this use a friend, coach or family member for assistance in overcoming any resistance you may have on something...also, write it down and contemplate where the resistance is coming from. 2. Call three friends you know who have a problem. Share with them the concept of "perfection vs. problem." Ask them if they would like to participate in this exercise. Who knows, you and them just might get some freedom from personal issues. Special Tip People dislike feeling bored. They love and sometimes crave for some kind of motion in their lives. But sometimes a "down motion" is easier for them to express than an "up motion." A "down motion' is when anger, drama and being upset at someone takes place. Whereas an "up motion," is a feeling of joy, peace and love. Human behavior is peculiar sometimes when people are willing to start a fight to avoid boredom. This kind of "small war" may even become larger if we aren't careful. Are wars created out of boredom because there wasn't better thinking? Often, the Perfection of a situation can be found in the way it eliminates boredom and instead gives us motion. Respect the process it takes to reach the goal "But wait!" you cry. Does this mean I should lie down and accept everything in life? Not try to change anything? Not try to find a cure to disease? Not try to increase my income? Should I tell my friends to accept everything in their life? How can I accept everything, appreciate everything in life, and at the same time produce extraordinary results? And at the same time change things around? Well, it's actually possible to do both: First, see the beauty and Perfection in what is really happening. You will know you are there when you can "be" with what is happening. Secondly, create a vision of how your life really could be and make a commitment to reach that vision. (Note: The power of action comes about in becoming excited over the possibility of how life could be BETTER if action took place right now.) A word of caution: If you slide your thinking and focus just on the result alone, your vision will then get hooked into "getting the result" and not accepting the process. Watch yourself from thinking: "I must have this, or things will become really bad for me." If this happens, trying to reach the vision will become less fun and fulfilling for you. Remember, the process is as important as reaching the goal and you can have fun doing so. Ask yourself - "Am I trying to fix something I believe is a bad situation?" or "Am I able to appreciate what this is, and at the same time playing the game to have more?" Again, change your perspective so things don't look so negative but rather positive, possible and obtainable. An easier step: Gratitude vs. Complaining "You are always either expressing gratitude or complaining. Which is it right now?" Many people find it hard to see life as Perfect, especially when we have been conditioned to complain about everything. Complaining can become a bad habit and need quick fixing. Gratitude, on the other hand, is always welcoming, fresh and helps open vision. Some perspectives you may want to work with are with the "effects" of a perspective, such as Trust vs. Doubt. The effects of trusting bring us joy, freedom, happiness and gratitude. Where by the effects of doubt bring fear, insecurity, concern and complaint. Sometimes extreme perspectives help us see what we really do not understand. Depending upon our own perspective, we are either complaining or being grateful for something, or someone. We are always in one state of expression or the other. When you are "in Perfection," gratitude is the natural outcome. When you are "in a Problem," complaining is the outcome. One of these expressions pushes people away, while the other attracts them. One has a very negative energy, while the other tends to bring fulfillment. One of them gives personal empowerment and the other complete disempowerment. If you are constantly complaining, you'll feel drained and eventually alone. To stop this, shift your perspective from complaining to gratitude. If you seem to resist doing this, then ask yourself "What do they get out of complaining? Does it bring me solutions or not?" It is always more empowering to focus more on the expression of gratitude rather then complaint; this will shift your perspective. Especially when it seems you are stuck in a "negative" perspective. Here are some more questions to help you shift your perspective: "It's a little hard to see how breaking a leg right now can be Perfect; and I'm hearing a lot of complaining energy in your voice. Would you be willing to break out of that and start looking at what can be done?" "Great, so what is there to be grateful for in this case?" "Do you know how often you are complaining?" "What are the advantages of this situation?" Trust vs. Concern "Everything will work out in the end. Meanwhile, there are things I can do." When we realize or remember that everything is here to be experienced - that every thing has Perfection inherent in providence - we can live in a space of Trust. "Everything will work out, it always does." Some people are able to express Trust with no reason at all, or with "blind faith." Others are able to do so by realizing that no matter how things work out, it will be alright in the end. The result will be good somehow; there will be Perfection in there somewhere. To be in a state of worry or constant concern conditions our thinking to "look for the bad" rather than what potentially is good. When we shift our perspective from Doubt, or Concern into Trust and Gratitude, often complaining stops and our lives rise above the ground level and open up to opportunities that only more good can bring us. Ask yourself...Can life be perfect? If you answer "No" Why not? Exercises: List 20 things you are complaining about in your life (even if you're not complaining out loud). Genuinely shift yourself from Complaining into Gratitude on three of these. Try this exercise with at least one friend, colleague or family member who complains often. Now try it on one friend, colleague or family member who complains very little. COPYRIGHT © by Gregg Swanson
The following information is used by permission from Jonathan Quintin: http://www.sacredgeometry.com.au/
The Power of Mandalas Mandala is a Sanskrit word meaning "wheel" "circle" "completion". In practice, the word mandala has become standard term for circular designs that portray states of universal order, any plan, chart or geometric pattern that represents the cosmos metaphysically or symbolically; a microcosm of the Universe from the human perspective. In many spiritual traditions mandalas are used for the focusing of attention, for establishing a sacred space and as an aid to mediation. Their symbolic nature can help one to access progressively deeper levels of the unconscious, ultimately assisting to experience a mystical sense of Oneness with the ultimate Unity from which the cosmos in all its manifold forms arises. Mandalas have been known to all cultures throughout history. Individual designs vary greatly but they always have the following characteristics: a center, cardinal points that can be contained in a circle, and usually some form of symmetry. They can be very simple or extremely complex as in ancient Tibetan religious designs, Navajo sand paintings, and huge stained glass windows in medieval cathedrals. The artwork by Jonathan Quintin includes original as well as traditional designs. Most of them contain the golden ratio and they are all created by applying the principles of sacred geometry. They portray the quality of relatedness between unique and individual differences. They demonstrate how diverse elements can be organized into a whole, while still preserving their individuality. Everything in creation has an underlying geometric foundation that links it into the fractal structure of the universe. Mandalas can help us attune to the natural harmonics of creation. Through the contemplation of mandalas we can tap into a celestial technology of continuous, timeless, universal actions that are otherwise invisible and can only be known to us through geometry. The geometric formations are mathematical formulae that describe states of universal order. The various shapes have the ability to generate the same proportional systems that govern the fundamental processes of creation. Each shape contains information about the universal dynamics that issue from Source and link all levels of creation. The patterns are blueprints of the refined, regenerative technology that nature has evolved; and can be used to stimulate our own thought patterns. The patterns can serve as an orientation to the harmonies and robustness of nature. Many universal principles are portrayed, such as balance, coalescence, coherence, equilibrium, fractalization, harmony, integration, interconnectivity, optimalization, stability, sustainability, symbiosis, symmetry, synergy etc. Meditating upon mandalas can bring about a shift in consciousness as our minds engage with the intricacies of universal law, aligning mind-body-spirit in resonance to the harmonic frequencies of the above and below. There is truth and purity in natural things and our contact with them nourishes the soul and illumines the mind. The more we understand these laws the more we can apply the harmony that is apparent in nature as a more powerful force in our own lives. Through mindful awareness we can integrate the essence of those realms into our mental and emotional patterns, giving the subconscious the opportunity to formulate concepts commensurate to healthy working systems. The more we understand universal law the more we can apply the harmony that is apparent in nature as a more powerful force in our own lives. Geometry is a great synthesizer and utilizes both the left and right hemispheres of the brain. The linear, rational aspect of mathematical logic contained in geometry is processed through the left hemisphere of the brain; while the graphical shapes, patterns and beauty are processed through the right hemisphere - effecting whole brain consciousness, which promotes a healthy mind and expanded state of consciousness. Pythagoras described geometry as "music made visible." Geometry is a visual form of harmony, the harmony of parts with each other and with the whole. The world is composed of diverse and contrasting elements. It is harmony that restores unity to the contrasting parts and weaves them into a cosmos. COPYRIGHT © by Jonathan Quintin
The following information is used by permission from Globe Sound and Consciousness Institute: http://www.soundhealingcenter.com/
CYMATICS Light shining through water vibrated by sound The truth is that sound creates a dynamic mandela-like pattern in every water molecule of your entire body. And, since your body is 90% water, the effect on your whole system is dramatic. In fact, your entire body (especially your skin) is actually an ear. When you consider the findings of Dr. Emoto, which prove that your intention changes the structure of water, then it becomes clear how sound and intention can create extraordinary changes in your body and consciousness. Core sound healing concepts Intention As shown by Dr. Emoto, if you focus love on water, it will create a beautiful geometric crystalline pattern when it freezes. If you focus any negativity on water (such as hate) it will form a discordant, chaotic pattern. Through his scientific studies, Dr. Emoto has proven that your intention not only affects matter, it affects yourself and others. This same concept has also been shown to be true in Quantum Physics. Simply stated, the way you perceive something affects the way it is! Therefore, this is a very important concept when it comes to helping others heal (including yourself). Individuals can help others by simply holding a very specific intention. If your intention is pure and clear, you can create change in another person and in matter. Most importantly, if you focus an intention on your music it will be carried by the sound to the listener. Binaural Beat Brainwave Entrainment / HemiSync Binaural beats are created when two tones are detuned from each other by a small amount. For example, if you have a tone generator creating 60 hertz and another one putting out 67.83 hertz you will hear the difference between the two tones which is 7.83 hertz (which is the Schumann Resonance - the resonant frequency of the earth's atmosphere between the earth and the ionosphere). When you have two speakers playing the two different frequencies simultaneously, the two sounds cancel each other out as they physically meet in space. However, when you wear headphones, the two sounds never meet, as the physical brain is in the way. In order to make reality consistent, our brain creates a third frequency on it's own. Because the frequency in the left ear goes to the right brain, and the frequency in the right ear goes to the left brain, this third frequency created by the brain connects the two sides of the brain. When this occurs, the Corpus Collossum, which functions to connect the two sides of the brain, lights up. As you might know, when the left and right sides of the brain are connected you are operating at your highest potential. Therefore, we commonly use binaural beats in headphones to synchronize the brain and light up the Corpus Collossum. Your Root Frequency Research has now shown that each of us has a root or soul frequency that we vibrate at. This frequency is most apparent when you are centered, grounded or in love. The frequency also naturally emanates from you when you are in perfect present awareness of now. There are many frequencies that distract us from our own. There are car sounds, sounds of the city, electricity, and electromagnetism to mention a few. Therefore, it is easy to lose our frequency. You can use sound to resonate your frequency in order to restore your connection to it. Simply toning can do it, but there is nothing like getting on a sound table with the right combination of consistent sounds. The truth is that any consistent frequency will essentially resonate your own root frequency. When any frequency is resonated within you your root frequency is naturally triggered because your system knows all frequencies and recognizes it as a musical interval. In fact, it isn't as important to find your own frequency to help as it is to simply have a consistent frequency vibrating you. This is one underlying power of music is that it gets your own frequency humming again. However, any type of consistent drone (any music that stays on one note the whole song) will be more conducive to resonating your frequency. The trick is to find drone music that is right the combination of calming versus activating so as to not make you bored or too agitated. Of course, if you use your resonant frequency then it is even more powerful. You can find your resonate frequency by simply tuning into yourself and singing the frequency that your think it might be. More often than not, you will sing the frequency. This can be confirmed by multiple try, muscle testing and ultimately using a heart variability monitor. The most powerful way to get your frequency humming inside of you again is to get on a sound table. The vibration is so intense that it jump starts your own frequency powerfully. Besides your root soul frequency there are a whole host of other frequencies vibrating within you:
Astrological Frequencies Chakra Frequencies Resonant Frequency of your Voice Frequencies of each Organ Frequencies of each gland within the Endocrine System Elements within each tissue Frequencies of each of the Etheric Bodies Frequencies of each of the Rays (from Alice Bailey) Harmonic Structure of Sound One of the key concepts that runs through the whole program is the connection between the mathematical structure found within the harmonic structure of sound and the mathematical structure found throughout nature. Almost every sound is made up of a combination of pure tones, or notes. When you hear an instrument play a particular pitch, you are hearing many other notes hidden in that sound. These other notes are called harmonics, or overtones. Sounds are combinations of different harmonics. The harmonics present in a certain sound account for the differences in sound qualities, or timbres. The term timbre refers to different sounds, such as guitar versus piano, or vocal versus accordion, as well as the differences in the sound quality of particular instruments. Another example of timber would be the difference between the sound of people's voices. There are two interesting things about harmonics. First, each harmonic found in a sound's timbre is a pure tone (A pure tone is the sound of a tuning fork, or tone generator). Almost all sounds are made up of a combination of these pure tones. The second interesting thing about harmonics is that they're all mathematical multiples of a root, or fundamental frequency. For example, if you play the E string on a guitar, it is approximately 80 hertz. The harmonics would be 160, 240, 320, 400, 480, 560 and so forth. The harmonic structure of sound is the same in: - The distance between the planets in our Solar System. - The weight of each vertebrae in our spine. - The frequencies of elements in Chemistry. - The Spectral Lines of Hydrogen - The distance between the electron shells in an atom. - The energy levels of matter at the Quantum level. - The frequencies of the etheric bodies. The Unified Field This mathematical structure of sound (mathematical multiples) is also found in the distance between the planets, the weight of each vertebrae in your back, in the cellular structure of hydrogen and in chemistry. Some even say it is the basis of the frequencies in chakras. It is through such correspondences that we begin to see the "unified field" where we are all connected with each other, with nature and with every aspect of the universe. We are always connected with this unified field. The goal is to become more conscious of this connectedness. COPYRIGHT © by Globe Sound and Consciousness Institute |
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